


Smoke and Mirrors

by madeleinegrey



Series: The Wakandan Sun [1]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Flashbacks, Kinda, Pre-Black Panther (2018), Reader-Insert, but we been knew, erik is a hoe, erik killmonger smut, erik killmonger x you, unexpected cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-04-20 04:31:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 41,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14253081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeleinegrey/pseuds/madeleinegrey
Summary: After Erik's attempt of usurping the throne of Wakanda and his subsequent defeat, reigning king T'challa gets in touch Erik's former colleague and past confidante, (Y/N).Upon his insistence,  (Y/N) delves back in memory of their black ops days, around the time when the abandoned prince started to live up to his nickname, Killmonger. Initially getting off on the wrong foot, both of them came to an understanding of each other despite having opposing ideologies and view of the world, as life continued to pit them against each other.Erik had left a lasting mark on her life, one that she intended to hide away forever for it reminded a side of her that Erik exposed, that she didn't want to face.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. I do not own any characters other than the ones I created for necessity of plot, they all belong to MCU.
> 
> This is a reader insert, primarily written for black women but anyone can read. I don't mind. 
> 
> Be warned- there are triggering issues, graphic violence and swearing. And yeah, sexual content (you are welcome). Please notify me if you find any mistake.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

(Y/N) came back to her apartment sometime around three in the afternoon- she had got off early. The latest case was wrapped up sooner than expected and all that remained was filing paperwork; that she can take her time with.

The small apartment was spotless like a new family would just move in. The line of her work made (Y/N) careful not to leave any mark and that habit had permeated to her domestic life too. She ran herself a bath to get rid of the sticky sweat of California in August. The fatigue of a consecutive week of late nights was catching up on her. She couldn't wait to just munch down whatever's in shelf and just hit the bed.

That was why she was pissed when the doorbell sounded. It can’t be Jim- he wasn’t done till five and there was no one else she expected at this time. Unwillingly she stepped out of the tub and dried herself, putting on her housecoat before hurrying to answer the call.

 The ring became more insistent.

“Coming.” She called and cursed under her breath. She couldn’t have a single day of peace it seemed. Peeking through the eye hole she saw some unexpected people awaited her appearance- two bald black women dressed in red tunic embroidered with tribal motifs and beads, their weapon being the most peculiar- spear.

This was no joke, her years of expertise told (Y/N). She backed away and grabbed her revolver stuck under the tea table for emergency use. Switching off the safety catch she took position behind the door and twisted the knob gently.

No one charged as she had anticipated. After several tense breathes, (Y/N) revealed herself to her visitors.

"Who are you?"

"Let us in so we can speak." The one to right said, voice thick with accent. She wore a stern face that might intimidate the fuck out of anyone; (Y/N) gripped her revolver tighter.

Opening the door wider, she motioned them to come in. They marched in rhythmic measured of military. Behind them was a man who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. His movements were graceful, almost fluid like; (Y/N) couldn't tear her eyes away.

Once they took the center of the room, (Y/N) finally got to examine his face. The man was tall, muscular but built lean; he wore a black suit- a kurta- bearing intricate silver designs. Her eyes moved upwards to focus on his face- high cheekbones and curled lashes, elegant and handsome. Anyone could say he was royalty even if they knew not he was the King of Wakanda.

(Y/N) knew. She knew of the Vienna incident- their agency have close ties with the CIA- that they were still dealing with the aftermath and Wakanda's recent conclusion of their isolationism and declaring themselves to the entire world. She had watched the news, read the reports. She, however, saw no reason why the King of an insanely advanced country if reports were believed to be true, would show up in her doorstep.

King T'challa assessed her with his warm but reticent eyes after his companions struck their spears on the ground. They noticed the revolver in her hand and turned more severe but the king seemed not to be bothered.

"You know who I am." He said in his rich voice.

"Yes. Your highness." She added the formal address.

T'challa hummed. "And you are (Y/N) (Y/L/N)? Currently affiliated with UN security council?"

(Y/N)confirmed she was, not really surprised that he had these information.

"Which unit?"

"R.A.C."

"Ah- the Birds." He nodded. "Do you mind if I take a seat? There is something you can help me with and I believe it is going to take much time."

(Y/N) guided them to the couch and she herself occupied the single settee. She offered them no refreshment; she highly doubted T'challa would go through small talk and tea session.

"Do I need to remember the last time I had vacation in Morocco?"

T'challa looked confused.

"I meant what you want must surely be personal. Anything on record, you'd have access to."

Her observance earned her his praise. "It is personal, you are right about that. What I seek is information about a person, his personality, anything unique about him that characterizes him. There is no solid documentation of his life other than his academic and professional ones.

"You may conceal anything that is very much private but I'd like you to be as honest as possible."

(Y/N) settled herself comfortably on the couch- she needed to keep a clear head. "Does this someone have a name?"

"Yes he does. Erik Stevens. But you may know him by-"

"-Killmonger." (Y/N) finished for him. "This was bound to happen. So, how did he die?”

* * *

 

(Y/N) did not remember the first time she heard of Erik Stevens- probably because he went by his nickname 'Killmonger'. He was just another file in their database, a name that floated around. She had glimpsed him a couple of times while assisting her seniors- a tall man of athletic built- lithe and muscular with dreads pulled back. That was her first month D.C. Her job in DIA as an analyst was to study possible threats, monitor their status and evaluate the information sent back by the spies placed all over the world and added to the infinite database to be exploited in future.

Their only connection was that her agency often employed his kind. They were not regular like navy SEALs; being more independent than government sanctioned troops, their ways were covert and not to be associated with the agency that employs them. Plainly, they worked in shadow, loyal to none other than who the money being paid, perfect agent to execute something the government did not want to get their hand dirty in.

Once in a while, after some particularly wearing job, she and her colleagues hit the bar and Killmonger would be there. He had a girl on his lap dry humping him like she had no care who saw, and a glass of liquor in his hand that he sipped from casually. That was where her interest in Erik piqued.

Sometimes the girl would try to get him to dance but Killmonger declined, preferring to watch her sway to the beats of music, making all sorts of suggestive gestures. It didn't take her long to rile him and soon he was dragging her out of the club. (Y/N) spotted them outside on her way back- not quite hidden. The girl had her legs around him, bouncing and mewling but Erik, he was silent, staring straight ahead- at her. He had a glint in his eye, the kind that's daring her to look away but she can't. They finish with stifled moans and (Y/N) was shaken out of her trance by his smirk.

He came off like this unwavering entity that radiated a sort of magnetic energy, the kind that struck fear in heart but at the same time, drew one towards him. That maybe why girls, and boys, flocked around him. He didn't seem to be reserved, on the contrary, he mixed with people quite well. But (Y/N) could say he was emotionally detached- that these little things in life did not affect him- that he knew he had a bigger purpose.

Probably that was why he never stuck around with anyone for long, maybe two weeks at most. He didn't necessarily treat them badly; they were means to achieve momentary satisfaction.

Erik was ruthless in action. (Y/N) had checked his profile; she had a knack of collecting tidbits of information and was quite good at it. He had a rough childhood as the record suggested- typical background for those who end up here. Stevens was versatile- graduated Annapolis at 19, went to fucking MIT before joining the navy. The results of his evaluation were off the charts- he was not only capable fighter but expert tactician, having aced every test he took. Yet, (Y/N) couldn't help but feel that all this hard work and determination was preparation of something bigger that he intended to achieve.

It wasn't until late of 2012 they were formally introduced. After recently being cleared for field work, she was assigned to Commander Hewitt to assist a covert mission that was planned. Being a controversial area of operation, they opted to work with the JSOC.

She found him to be impersonal and self-assured and (Y/N) had to acknowledge, quite attractive. But what made him 'Killmonger' were his dark eyes; they were brown, beautiful and alert at all times; the first time they fell upon (Y/N), she shivered.

"So you gon' keep tabs on me now?" He asked Hewitt as if she wasn't present. "Keep me on leash?"

"She is meant to run the operations in background."

"Better be in background then. I ain't gonna be responsible for her ass out there."

(Y/N) refrained from biting out that she was perfectly capable of handling herself but she knew that won't make any difference. It was just how things ran around here. If you fall, you are dead.

Before long, they were dispatched. Standard operation in Libya- eliminate some warlord to keep the country's temporary stability from collapsing for a little longer. They were furnished with most advanced techs and weapons; in case of (Y/N), state of art computer and surveillance equipment. 'Stark' they read.

It went successfully but still, she was no close to figure out the enigma that Killmonger was.

"You know, instead of drooling you could just ask him to fuck you. I'm sure he'd oblige." Jescintha Saldana, her cheeky yet hard-bitten colleague and roommate told her, snapping (Y/N) from her reverie. They were in the same bar that Erik frequented.

"I'm not interested in him." She said. "Not in that way."

"Yeah well he sure is interested."

(Y/N) followed her gaze. There was Erik seated on the stool, few feet away, eyeing her. (Y/N) had to agree he was hella fine. He looked comfortable and self-assured, the dangerous kind, yet somehow attractive.

Before she could make up her mind whether to approach him, one of Erik's friends took the empty stool next to him.

"There you go bruh." They clinked their glasses.

"So why is you sitting here all alone like yo mama cut off yo dick? Going celibate?"

"Fuck off nigga."

"Yo what else could it be? These are some fine looking chicks here; pick one for your taste. How about that one?" He pointed their way and Erik met her eyes.

"Act chill." Jess hissed.

"Nah." She heard Erik say. "She won't do."

"Not good enough?"

"Too stiff. But her pal, she looks poppin'."

(Y/N) felt the tip of her ear lit up as his words pricked her skin. Whatever interest she had in him was soon drained out and replaced with boiling hatred. 

"Where you going?" She asked as her friend got off her stool.

"To get that dick babe."

"But he just....You can't."

"Why not? I've been trying to get picked up by him for months. It's nothing personal." She winked.

(Y/N) contemplated throwing her drink but upon thinking, she raised her glass- here's to trash men and trashier girlfriends.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got down to write only a para but somehow ended up writing an entire chapter. Hope its good enough. Leave your opinions. I'd love to hear from you guys.

Within the first few missions, (Y/N) understood why Erik Stevens was called the Killmonger. Not only he had incredible success rates for assignments he took ranging from toppling governments to extracting hostages from the dens of rebels, he had outrageous numbers of confirmed killed to his credit. He was like agent of death, sent to collect the souls of those who commissioned him and he did so without any evidence of remorse or a sign of faltering. A week, a month, no one would hear from him and suddenly he was back on the radar, with the target at his feet, ready to collect his paycheck.

In his predator mode, Erik was his truest self. Like a hound sniffing out blood trail, he'd seek out his target and he will do absolutely anything to achieve the desired end. (Y/N) did not witness Erik in his top game until they were in South Africa. She was assisting the extraction of some sensitive information from a certain government official that could very well decide the course of politics in southern Africa.

Erik was their plan B, only to be sent for if the situation went south which did happen when another interested party showed up. The hotel their interest was staying in was bombed the moment the rival agency got to him. (Y/N) only survived because she was chasing another lead; her room under their target's was blown to bits.

When confronted, Killmonger was absolutely unfazed by her accusation of ruining her mission.

"You n' I had separate missions. Not my fuckin' fault you couldn't complete yours."

"I'd have if you hadn't blown the fucking building. Now we got nothing."

"Better than fallin' into wrong hands." He shrugged casually. The sheer callousness of this man was enough to tempt (Y/N) to load her revolver and shoot him in the face.

"There were people. Innocent people."

"Casualties." He said it like a fact and really it was like that to him- just numbers to be included in his statistics. "Don't try to get that moral high ground over me."

"I don't even have to try. You haven't got any."

"Whatchu say now?" Erik's voice was eerily calm; it sent shivers through her spine.

"You heard me. You people don't give a damn about what we do or what's at stake here."

Erik strode across the room so fast that within a blink of an eye, she was trapped between him and the wall, unable to breathe.

"Listen to me, lil bitch." He hisses, his sparse beard scratching her cheek. "You can be a prissy with your moral shits but that's how it works. You got a problem with my work- take it up to your superiors."

As much as his taunting hurt, (Y/N) knew nothing she said against Erik will be admissible in the head office. He was just a rented asset and this was how it was in this line of work- that they'd rather destroy something than fall into their rival hands. No she wasn't upset that she could have died. (Y/N) knew that when she signed up but she would not do something that drastic unless it was absolutely necessary. For Erik, there was no difference between protecting and destroying.

In the months that followed, her resentment towards Killmonger continued to thrive. Perhaps it was the original remark made by him that earned him her unabating hatred or it could be, according to Jess who had been singing praise of his dick since their fuckfest, her attraction toward the opposite. (Y/N) had laughed at it- that man was brusque, inconsistent and utterly dispassionate, the very characters she despised in her partner. He was intriguing but attraction? Pfft.

“Well then, you will be glad to know that Hooks is sending him with you to Iraq.” She sang happily.

Fuck her life.

 After the mission, with the residual energy she had left, (Y/N) dragged herself to the open desert. As far as her eyes went, it was hundreds and thousands of square miles of the wild stony plain of Syrian desert stretching across western Iraq. The complex topography of ridges, depressions and wadis were highlighted by the twilight in shades of grey and black, punctuated by the silhouettes of cactus.

The cloudless sky offered a grand view of the canvas of the universe- field of blue blended into violet with a tinge of crimson and gold at the horizon. It was speckled by millions of diamond-like stars, a gallery of of universe's beauty. (Y/N) closed her eyes and deeply inhaled- there's was still a faint smell of gunpowder in the air but it was eclipsed by something akin to spices in the Iraqi bazaar. The air was cool, if not freezing, wiping away the memory of the afternoon sun cooking them alive not three hours ago. Nowhere one could find such extremity.

Soon she fell prey to the overpowering fatigue of a field day and found a rock to sit upon. It was hard and cold like in her office after having cooled down at night. She tried to let go of the tussle inside her and attain the serenity the nature offered. She was almost dozing off when she heard behind her the commotion of men and straps of gears being taken off- the men were done cleaning after them.

Not much later, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"You ready to go?"

Killmonger loomed behind her like a ghost; he had taken off his helmet, his disheveled dreads fell over his face.

No, (Y/N) replied but it must be in some language humans did not understand as he had to repeat himself. 

"Yeah."

"Aight." Erik said. Then on second thought, he was by her side and crouched down next to her. "You are friends with that Jess girl ain’tchu?”

(Y/N) was puzzled by his sudden interest in her. They hardly ever conversed during missions and not at all outside professional area.

“We are collegues.” (Y/N) replied curtly.

“Mm. How she doing these days?”

It immediately extinguished the funny feeling in her stomach. To think he was interested in her- he was only looking for getting on with Jess again.

“The usual. Still hopping from one bed to another.” Then quite boldly added: “Since you decided not to call her back.”

"It's not what I intended to do with her, ya know."

"Its none of ma business." (Y/N) replied coolly. She glanced at him for a quick look and found herself trapped in his gaze.

Erik regarded her with curious eyes like she was a specimen being studied. It unnerved her. "You always do that."

"Do what?"

"Say the opposite of what you think cuz you think it’s easier. But your eyes tell 'em all." Erik moved a bit closer; (Y/N) hugged her knees, trying to appear nonchalant. But her mind strayed to his beautiful features; she wondered how it'd be to cup his face and draw him closer; to know what made him like this. Embarrassed, she pushed aside her betraying thoughts but the electricity in the air remained.

It was broken only by one of their chopper starting. Their eye contact ceased and (Y/N) looked away, flustered. With baited breath she waited for him to leave or to say something; she'd prefer the latter.

“You don’t approve.” He remarked noticing the way she scowled at the removal of all evidence of them being there.

"Not of you, personally. Just the way things are run." 

"Meaning?"

Maybe she shouldn’t talk about this to a goddamn stranger. “My opinion is irrelevant.” She said.

“I’m not yo agency.” Erik reasoned, prompting her to continue.

(Y/N) sighed. “It’s not the best method if we really wanna change the world. The way it works- there’s no control or ideals here. People, organizations, they are all in this game of who could seize more power. They regularly kill the people they are sworn to protect; bomb civilizations, massacres people and call it ‘sacrifice’, necessary for their own selfish reasons. I don’t think they can look past their immediate future; it’s like kill or be killed and they’d rather be the killers than try to stop it at all.” She paused to take a breath. “You’ll call me delusional.”

“Delusional? Nah. Naïve though.”

“Probably. But what’s the point risking everything when you don’t have an ideal? Like people in your line of job.”

 “What about it?”

“You guys don’t fight for a cause neither are you obligated to answer for the consequences of your action. There’s no system.”

They remained silent for a while, thinking upon the words that were spoken. Then Erik spoke, “Anyone ever tell you, you in the wrong place?”

"I ask myself that every day. It's just...I never knew what I wanted to do. I mean my parents wanted me to become physicians like them but it wasn't for me. I was in college working for my degree but it still felt like I was going nowhere. Then I got recruited. Its tough shit but I got a purpose here. And maybe I can do something you know? It’s somewhere to start if I wanna change the world even a little bit.”


	3. Chapter 3

(Y/N) did not see Erik for many months. He was tasked with missions on behalf of the CIA, FBI or sometimes, a few of SHIELD's. Wherever he went, she heard about the kills he racked up. It had become a hobby of hers to keep tabs on him. It was quite difficult- the guy was like a damn ghost slipping between dimensions.

Lately her mind had been wandering off to one thing it had no business going to. After their little tête-à-tête, Killmonger started occupying her fantasy. He had started to warm up to her, nodding when the saw each other across the room but he was still the cold-blooded assassin who almost sacrificed her. Maybe it would have gone if Erik stopped making suggestive comments that she couldn't decipher if he was interested in her or just fucking with her mind. Good thing was he was gone off to some mission.

Suddenly, one day, he was back in town. (Y/N) did not notice him as she was busy taking out her frustration on the punching bag. The training arena was deserted at this time and only few tube lights highlighted parts of the floor. Erik remained at the door, blended into the shadow.

"Oh its you." (Y/N) gasped when she finally caught his sight. How long had he been standing there?

"Took you long enough." He said drily and started walking towards her. (Y/N) did not reply. Instead she proceeded to take off the gloves. She didn't appreciate being observed, it made her nervous.

"Couldn't sleep?" His words echo in the empty arena. It suddenly made her feel trapped.

"Kinda. If you are looking for Jess she ain't here. She's getting transferred to Philly."

"Oh I ain't definitely looking for her."

"Okay."

Erik nodded and circled around the room, stopping at the same punching bag she was using. He pulled up his hand in defense and struck the weight; it started bouncing like pendulum. (Y/N) tore her eyes from his stance and went on to shelf the gears.

"Wanna help me with these?" He called behind her.

(Y/N) was surprised at his invitation to say the least. There was no reason why he would seek her out unless for a fuck cuz he was bored. She glanced at him once, to confirm her doubt. He wascracking his knuckles, ready to fight. He was _fine_ , (Y/N) had to agree but she was nothing if not rational. She wasn't some use and throw shit to be cast aside after one run. "Nah. I'm gonna head back."

"C'm on. It might improve your footwork."

"My footwork is up to the mark, thank you." She said bitterly.

"Really? Cuz I see you getting in some really sticky spots. I'm gon go easy on your scared ass, baby girl." He taunted.

(Y/N) ignored the pet name but it did make her stomach flip. "I ain't scared dude."

"So why you walking away?"

Don't, she cautioned herself, this was a trap. She knew what he sought and she'll be damned if she gave in.

"You really are a pussy." He called.

Once again, fire ignited inside her- not from anger but wanting to prove herself. His tactics were working; he was breaking her by scratching her pride. (Y/N) stopped on her track, the temptation was too strong.

"Maybe I can pick up some pointers." She justified her decision to accept his challenge, knowing full well that's a fucking lie.

Erik was like a leopard in human skin. He circled around her, essentially cat-like. His movements- graceful and agile, he danced across the floor almost soundlessly like a shadow, eyes never leaving hers. He was marking her as his prey. (Y/N) took stance- one foot front, arms guarding her chest.

The first time he charged, (Y/N) quickly sidestepped.

"This ain't cat n mouse chase, ma."

The second time, she stepped backwards. And backward until she hit the wall. Erik smirked, having gotten her cornered. His eye hardened with something akin to intense yearning and determination and he swung forwards. (Y/N) ducked just in time, sending him crashing against the wall.

Recovering Erik regarded her with appreciation. And in one swift motion he was upon her. (Y/N) felt herself being seized by her arm and whirled backwards, slamming to his hard stone of his chest. With all her might, she twisted his arm with her free hand, struggling in his iron grip. She was no match for him like this so she decided to get dirty. She stopped wriggling, making him think she had given up. As expected Erik stopped and (Y/N) immediately kneed him in the underside of his thigh on and on until he let go of her.

"You freaky bitch." He hissed.

If she weren't panting from being out of breath, she would have whooped with joy. Once again they were dancing around each other. Erik threw some punch and (Y/N), defensive as always, tried to block them as best as she could. She took few hits on her shoulder, one directly in her thigh but managed to sneak and launch a powerful hook square in his face. Erik snarled in pain and whirled around, kicking her in the lower belly with an almighty force.

(Y/N) cried as the pain permeated and dropped to her knees having lost her footing. "You motherfuckin-"

Erik himself may have not thought about how hard he hit as he stepped forward to inspect the damage. She accepted his hand and allowed him to pick her up, but as soon as she was on her feet, she took off the ground and used his arm to climb over his shoulder and wrapped her muscular thighs around his neck. Her grip wasn't firm however and she slipped down to his waist. Both of them lost their balance and crashed into the cold hard floor.

Being on top of him, (Y/N) was the first to get up but before she could put a safe distance between them, Erik pulled her by her hand and trapped her in his arms. Once again, she was in his clutch.

"Lemme go." She hissed and twisted but Erik had the strength of a fucking bear. He locked both of her hands in his and pulled her against his chest. She felt her legs go weak but not for the reason she initially thought.

Erik was rubbing against her, grinding to some silent music, following its rhythm. Her voice dried in her throat. Her defenses were crashing but she didn't want it to stop. They were out in the open for fuck's sake.

"What are you doing?" She croaked once she had found her voice.

"What do you think?" Erik whispered voice low and full of promise as he buried his face in the crook of her shoulder.

(Y/N) tried to angle her head to understand. In the blur of the moment, she noticed a silver chain peek under his sweatshirt. Her eyes climbed upwards until they were fixed on his luscious full lips. Flicking her gaze to his eyes, she saw his eyes burning with something very awe-inspiring yet sinister that she could not look away from; his pupils dilated with lust, there was no mistaking it.

Her body went slack under him, all limbs paralyzed but her senses were on fire. As if testing, Erik loosened the grip on her hand and when (Y/N) made no attempt to run, he dragged his fingers across her belly, lighting fire on her goddamn shirt; his other hand let go and cupped her left breast. (Y/N) responded with an embarrassing moan.

Down and down, his fingers went until they were resting on her mound. (Y/N) felt her spot burn with arousal, that fucking traitor. Slowly, he started palming her through her trouser. His own hardening erection was pressing on her back, vying for attention.

"Please-" She pleaded though she wasn't sure what exactly she was begging for.

"What baby? Use your words."

Fuck me, she wanted to scream. Erik pressed one of his fingers inside her through the fabric and she momentarily forgot what she was thinking.

"Stop." She mumbled eventually.

"Why you got a nigga or something?"

"Nngh...no." She said truthfully. Erik was kneading her breast and tugged at her nipple that had hardened under his torture. She involuntarily pressed back, trying to get more of the wonderful friction between them. If she had claws, she'd have shredded their clothes.

"Then?"

"You don't like me."

"That's not true, baby girl." He chuckled under her ear. "And from the way your body is reacting, I don't think you hate me either."

But she did hate him, but that may be a reason why he was on her mind.

"Erik. Please." She whined. "Stop."

"You feelin guilty about yo friend?"

"Maybe." Did she really? She should but she didn't. "No."

"Then what's stopping ya?"

You, the tiny, rational part of her brain screamed. Your bloody hands, the same that was caressing me. And the fear of what came next.

"I don't-" She tried to form a coherent sentence. "I don't want to be one of your conquests."

Erik stilled and detached himself from her. "You ain't a conquest. We are just havin a good time."

"Maybe. I don't know." She said breathlessly, at once regretting saying that out loud. "It's just I know what happens next and while I don't expect anything, I don't really want to look at you differently after this."

"You gon look at me differently, no matter what." He reasoned.

"Yeah. I just don't want this one my conscience to nag me forever."

Erik paused for a while thinking to himself. (Y/N) used the moment to get away from him. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"It's as you wish mama. I ain't gonna do nothing you don't want to."

(Y/N) was at once relieved and regretful. She watched him go, letting go of her so easily like he had not been all over her seconds ago. It reminded her of her initial impression of him- he didn't really care. At the end of the day, she had purple bruises on her back and burnt with overwhelming urge to drown herself.


	4. Chapter 4

 

A few weeks later, a new assignment was thrust their way. DHS was forming a joint venture with DIA to take down Andrei Palpatine's vast gunrunning empire. The notorious racketeer had been eluding arrest by taking refuge in Italy. So far his handover had been refused in excuse of not having enough evidence so the investigators had stopped to pursue him publicly, electing to remove him in a covert operation. By early 2013, the US govt. had green-lighted the operation thanks to emergence of trouble within his family.

Their priority was to collect all info regarding past and future deals as well as eliminating Andrei and making it look like a feud within his own empire. Aside from the multiple agents implanted inside his circle as well as an entire JSOC squad ready to be deployed, there main source was Andrei's girl Pam. The responsibility of managing all moles fell upon one Everett Ross, a CIA operative tasked with the mission, on behalf of whom, (Y/N) was stationed at a hotel close to Andrei's villa in Sorrento.

Inside its well furnished room matched with pristine drapes, (Y/N) lay on her stomach on the massive queen sized bed, two laptops open in front of her. The enhanced receiver was being fed live from the bugs planted inside the villa; one of them solely allotted to the Mistress. Amid monitoring, she heard the door of the bathroom open.

"Anything yet?" Erik asked, closing the door behind him. It took a hell lot of resolve not to look at him. (Y/N) had remained professional when she found out she was once again accompanying Killmonger; she had the choice to bow out but she refused let him win by letting it affect her professional work.

"Nah."

"Aight. Imma order something. You need any- Fuck!" Something crashed and Erik hissed, having run into the table, knocking off several items. (Y/N) got up to inspect and her eyes fell on his rich brown skin, his modesty saved only by a towel.

"If you wanna sit on this cock, you just gotta ask a nigga."

(Y/N) ignored the jibe; her eyes were drawn to the numerous keloidal scars that littered all over his torso. The bumps started below his collarbone and continued its range down to his naval. A , sick, bitter feeling washed over (Y/N).

"How many?"

"Nine seventy four." Erik's voice was dipped in pride- they were his trophies for display. She had heard about them, it was kind of a myth that floated around and strengthen the frightening aura about him.

(Y/N) had not realized when she had climbed off the bed but she found herself to be only two feet away from him. She felt Erik's eyes bore into her, resisting her approach. (Y/N) took a step forward, looking for any sign that he may snap- he did look formidable but said nothing. Gingerly, she extended her hand to touch his scars. Within a flash, he was gripping her wrist.

(Y/N) raises her hand in defeat and Erik let go.

"Did you do them yourself?"

"Mm. Each for a kill."

Nine hundred seventy four people dead at his hand yet (Y/N) wasn't appalled. It was alarming yes, but it intrigued her. Again she tried touching him, carefully as she would approach a wild animal. This time, Erik did not flinch. She dragged her finger down his skin, feeling the raised skin under them. Who would do this cruelty to oneself?

"Did it hurt?"

Erik nodded, pressing closer to her. (Y/N) refused to acknowledge the rising tension between them.

"So why do it?"

"The pain's tolerable. Nothing compared to all I been through. See this one?" He pointed to one over his right chest. "This was ma first. Namibia, 2007."

"They aren't random." She remarked to herself.

"Nah. They remind me of all I did for survival. Don't lemme forget where I came from."

(Y/N) looked up to his eyes, they were dark, twinkling. She saw a boy in them, young, lost and helpless; turned away from door to door. (Y/N) did not know that feeling, she had a sheltered life but she could sympathize. Erik looked nothing like Killmonger then- he was a boy with broken dreams, forced to the adopt darkness.

Would if she could break into his barrier but Erik was clearly uncomfortable under her steady observation.

"I'm craving something spicy." She told him. "I saw this diner before we checked in-"

_________

A week past, (Y/N) was twitching from the lack of progress. Their sources have failed to obtain any solid info and the one they relied on most gave them nothing. Andrei's mistress Petra Grigoryan, who went by Pam did not strike one as intelligent or determined, but rather timid. It took them much bargaining to get her to act as source for them. So far she had only slipped handful of names of associates under the door.

After days of silence from the other end, suddenly they received words that the anticipated deal was taking place. They set up perimeter, ready to take down as soon as the deal is made. It was the closest they had gotten to him in decades.

It all went awry. Pam apparently had no sense of discretion. The entire deal was a setup created for diversion which they realized this at the last moment. Knowing her superiors won't do anything, (Y/N) decided to take it upon herself to tail them.

"Where are you going?" Killmonger as (Y/N) made to sneak past him.

"To extract her." She replied.

"You gon get yo'self killed." He warned.

"I have to. I was responsible for her, I gave her my words." She tried to dodge him but Erik caught her and shoved her back. "Let me go!"

"No. You can't save her anymore than you can save a dead person."

"Don't you see? Andrei knows Pam has been snitching, he is going to kill her or worse, torture her first then kill her."

"Yeah and the same thing gonna happen to you." Erik reasoned, restricting her in his cage of arms.

"How can you be so fucking indifferent?" She cried in his clutch. "Her death will be on me."

"It's how it is (Y/N). If yo ass can't live with it, you in the wrong line."

They found Pam's body in the railway tracks, head severed from her body. Her fingernails were missing.

A month later, (Y/N) went missing from a job in DC.

________

The room she was being kept in- a basement, probably- was drab and musty. No light broke in and no air filtered in and out. (Y/N) had no idea how long she had been here. Her hand was tied to chains that descended from the ceiling, her legs have given away long ago and she was sagging in half erect posture. The pain made it impossible for the time to pass.

Once in a while she heard heavy steps followed by the metal door swinging open to reveal her captors. They'd interrogate for a while, smack her across her face till her lips bled, and kick her in the ribs. Sometimes they'd hold her head under water till her lungs were bursting from being flooded. One day, having spied an opportunity, she tried to escape. She cut the throat of the man stationed outside with nothing but a shard of glass she had found lying. She felt his windpipe snap and hot blood ran down her body, marking her as killer. Her captors found her in pool of blood, shaking uncontrollably. 

They came with blades. For each protest they grabbed her by her hair and cut with blade. (Y/N) wept- her hair was her crowning glory.  She'd faint often from exhaustion and woke up to find herself being hung again. She gave up nothing- pretending to lose conscience when the pain got too much. This won't work for long, she knew. Soon they will tire of her and decide that she was of no good. Maybe someone will find her body in the park or road.

Then one day the footsteps increased by ten-fold- a rescue operation.

When she saw the door got knocked down and someone- not her kidnappers- she thought she had expired from exhaustion. Her rescuer untied her and she fell into his arms.

"Erik?" She wheezed.

"No." The answer came. "But he's here."

She was led through what appeared to be a corridor. From all direction came sound of guns going off and howls of cry. Soon they were being fired upon. (Y/N) stopped focusing; she had neither the faculty nor the hope for survival. When the rays of sun hit her eyes, she thought she had died. Before her loomed Erik's face- he looked worried.

Erik took her to a safe place, wrapping his jacket around her for her clothes were soiled and torn. (Y/N) did not question, like a robot she let herself be removed. Stevens guided her to the bathroom- there was a tub in the center of it.

"Imma go n get some supplies." He said and closed the door behind him.

(Y/N) stripped off her dress as the water started to heat. The wounds on her skin stung when she dipped her leg in the water; the dried blood started to dissolve. The hair on her head was thin and cropped over her scalp; tuft of hair rose haphazardly like untended garden.

Upon returning, Erik found her still in bath, sitting naked as the water overflowed. She did not react to his presence but stared off to distance, her gaze unfocused. Quietly, he slipped in and turned off the tap.

"So much blood." She whispered like a ghost. "It won't get off." Her hand was gushing red, it won't wash away.

Erik knelt on the wet floor and grabbed her hands. He rubbed them together like he was washing clothes and said, "It's gone now."

(Y/N) looked down- her hands were clean. She looked up to his dark eyes and was suddenly brought out of her trance.

"Get out." She said. Erik obliged.

Erik did not bother her anymore. He had food ready anytime she wished to dine and left her to her own devices. The bedroom had only one bed which (Y/N) occupied as Erik stayed in the living, working on something.

At the dead of the night, just when he was about to doze off, he was startled by (Y/N)'s cry in the next room. She was tossing in her bed violently and had kicked off the cover, whimpering. Erik jumped to her side and started to shake her. She woke up with wild eyes, terrified of her demons, panting heavily. For a while they stayed like that, him rubbing circles on her shoulder with thumb while (Y/N) stared at him with her dead eyes.

Her eyes had sunk like that of a corpse, Erik noticed when (Y/N) leaned forwards and kissed him on his lips. It was brief, gone as soon as he felt it. Her eyes relaxed and a content smile stretched her lips, and she dropped back to bed like nothing had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well....you guys need holy water? lemme know!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my absence- I had pre-finals (it was shit). Here's the next part. Enjoy.

 

 

**Present day:**

“N’Jaka-“

“N’Jadaka.” T’challa corrected her.

“N’jadaka. That’s his name?”

The King nodded.

“And he is- was you cousin?”

“Son of my uncle N’Jobu.”

(Y/N) stared mouth agape.

“Take all the time you need.” T’challa said kindly. His voice was warm, comforting as he recited the incidents, pausing whenever (Y/N) needed to take a break to digest the information. It was too much to process; she felt like she was seeing glimpse of it in the window of the moving train while she stood still on the platform.

“How many people died?”

“Pardon?”

“How many people died when he fought against you?”

T’challa hesitated for just a fraction second. Perhaps he expected her to shed tears or ask Killmonger’s last words in the least. “Seventeen. Some more injured but they have recovered now.”

“A monster.” (Y/N) exhaled. “I been knew that nigga’s batshit crazy. I don’t mean no disrespect, your highness. It’s just I knew what he was and I did nothing.”

“Do not blame yourself. For the little time I had known him, N’Jadaka was rigidly determined. He believed in what he was doing and however fatalities his action caused, he was right.”

“You can’t defend him.” (Y/N) exclaimed. “He divided your tribes, made them fight amongst themselves.”

“He defeated me in ritual combat and became a king by his own right. That granted him the power to demand loyalty; it wasn’t fault but his credit that he inspired people to join his side.”

“Maybe. But he’s still a monster. You don’t know him like I do or rather, did.”

“I was hoping you’d enlighten me.” T’challa leaned and interlinked his fingers in sort of pleading gesture. “My cousin is dead because my father wronged him. He not only deprived him of his birthright, he erased all that my uncle stood for. He was right and my father, so afraid of the change, he chose to hide the truth. I need to know, Miss (Y/L/N). Do not deny me this.”

(Y/N) sighed. “What do you want to know?”

“As I said before- everything. I want to know my cousin.”

“You may not like him.” She warned.                                         

“That doesn’t matter. I wish to know all that he was. So I urge you, do not hold back anything fearing it’d displease me.”

“Very well then. Erik was- a psychopath. He honed himself for one cause and now I know what it is. He was cold. Single-minded. Apathetic. Do you want to hear more?”

“Of course but I’d also like to hear how he was toward you.”

“Why do you think he’d be any different with me?”

“Wouldn’t he? I noticed N’Jadaka had never been stable. Not in place, not with people. Only one remained constant. You. Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t see another side of him.”

* * *

 

**3 Years ago:**

The aircraft hangar was gigantic and silver domed, a great curve of corrugated iron. This was where most birds were housed and led straight to the helipad. Floodlights lit up every corner of the space, showing off its marvelous collection.  The currant of operators and ground staffs ran to and fro, their intercoms buzzing, busy and noisy as a beehive. They had arrived in NH90, specially catering to special operations. Erik helped her alight when they touched the ground. Since the previous day, he was never away from her sight. He claimed he was saving them from further inconvenience by her but judging by the tremendous transformation,(Y/N) suspected he had finally dropped his guard around her. His outward persona had undergone incredible change from his rude, reclusive attitude to more humane.

Her supervisor waited by the end of the hanger. Spying their arrival, he trotted towards them.

“Glad to see you alive, (Y/L/N).” He seized her hand and shook roughly. To her rescuers he congratulated, clapping them on their backs and assuring them their paycheck. He was significantly cooler with Erik- addressing him by ‘Killmonger’; (Y/N) could sympathize by how disconcerted he was by the mercenary.

“Did we get Palpatine?” She inquired, detaching herself from Erik’s side as the officer steered her away from the group.

“Didn’t they tell you?” He asked.

“Not really.” Erik- she had started to refer him by his name not the one he adopted- hadn’t told her anything about the mission and (Y/N) too tired had gathered all she could from snippets of their conversation. “So, did we?”

“Not the way we wanted, no. That bastard tried to sneak away in his jeep and the men opened fire. But we got enough to carry out the investigations further- there’s some hotshot in the lists- Hammer, Signdale, Void Co. and even Stark back in 2000s but most importantly, Klaue.”

“Klaue?”

“Ulysses Klaue, the arms dealer-“

“I know who he is.”

“Well DIA is launching another investigation on him, this time to apprehend him, preferably alive. Get some rest and report for assessment; Ross is giving you the case.”

* * *

 

She looked ugly- (Y/N) thought staring at her broken reflections in the many crystals decorating the wall of the bar. The hairdresser had salvaged what she could by turning it into a short pixie cut; it suited her face, she had said but (Y/N) couldn’t find herself in that reflection anymore.

It was the night of thanksgiving. Instead of spending the night on couch as she normally did, (Y/N) had come out. Maybe it had to with the fact that she knew Erik was a regular in that bar or just that she needed someone to make her feel beautiful again. Her company- a grad-school student whose name she didn’t bother to remember- whom she had chosen to ward off other men looking for quick hook-up, was insisting that they leave. (Y/N) had deterred him by stating she was in mood to drink some more but by then she was already drooping in her stool, another drop of alcohol will ensure total blackout.

 “C’m on.” He whined, tugging her blouse like a petulant child. “Lets get going …”

(Y/N) tried to shake him off but the boy wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Listen kid-“

“Jonah.” He said indignantly. “And we gotta get going- I texted Nick. He’s gonna be out so we’ll have the room to ourselves.”

“Look Jonah. It’s nice to meet you. You are cute and everything and maybe a different day, I’d have accepted your offer but I’m really not in mood today-“ She hiccoughed.

“I could get you in mood-“.

“I don’t wanna get in mood-“ He rubbed her knees, pushing the hem of her dress up. “Get your hands off me.”

“C’m on. Don’t be a cock-tease.”

 “Yo man you should leave her be.” The bartender warned him. He ignored him, trying to hoist her by her arms. (Y/N) whined, fighting him off. In the end, she got him in her hold and twisted his arm behind him.

“I said get the fuck off me.”

“You fucking bitch-“

“Ay yo you heard the lady. Get off her.” Another voice, a familiar voice that she had recently started associating with soft pillow and whiskey, bellowed. (Y/N) turned her head- there stood Erik Killmonger, furious and imposing.

“She with me bruh.” The boy hardened his tone, trying to appear as fearless. “Mind yo own business.”

“Nigga imma ask you one more time. Walk out that door and don’t turn back or imma cut off you dick and make you suck it.”

(Y/N) saw his eyebrow twitch, all bravado draining from the boy’s face. He opened his lips once then closed it, turning on his heels.

“Heard you requesting for desk job.” Erik said sitting down next to her. The bartender pushed a glass of iced mojito towards him.

“After that shit I pulled, I thought you’d agree that I don’t belong out there.”

“I did tell you that.” Erik nudged her. (Y/N) shoved him playfully.

“I won’t argue on that but I don’t think they gon transfer me so soon. You gotta have some experience to hold those posts.”

Erik hummed in understanding; it made her heart jumped. She wasn’t surprised at herself. She had been aware of the dormant attraction she held for him and had only recently come to terms with it. Though she planned not to act on it, she still needed to smother those butterflies in her stomach.

 “You didn’t go home for holiday?” He asked after some time. (Y/N) was pleasantly surprised at his attempt to make conversation.

“Nope.” She shrugged.

“Why not?”

“My folks aren’t here.” She said. “They are back in San Francisco.”

“Hmm.” He grunted. Another spell of awkwardness was cast and (Y/N) decided to lift it.

“How ‘bout you? Anyone to visit?”

“My family’s gone.”

“Yes.” She had read his file. “But you must have cousins or something. They keep in touch with you?”

 “Nah.”

“Why not?”

“Doesn’t matter now.”

(Y/N) recognized his reluctance to talk further of it so she let it go and settled on watching him fiddle with the lemon dressing.

 “What?” He asked in the midst of drinking when he realized (Y/N) was watching her intently.

“Nothing.” She responded to which Erik raised his eyebrows.

“I was just wondering how you became like this.”

“Shits happen.” He stated; he appeared to be indifferent but his downcast eyes spoke different. “My childhood had been bouncing from places to places. I had been in like four or five foster homes. We don’t get no funds backing us up so we gotta get out in the world; do what we can do. If you ain’t figured that out, it’d be drugs and shit tugging you down, if you hadn’t been shot by the cops already. I had to survive.”

“No.”

Erik looked up. “What?”

“This isn’t survival. It’s determination. It’s all I see when I look at you.  All this hard work, it’s like you are preparing for something.”

Erik sighed and put down his glass. “Before ma pops was killed, he was planning to bust my ma outta jail. I don’t remember much of her, just this shadow of her by the window while I slept. Dad never got chance to get her out. She died there. “. He paused to take breath. “The police said it was some deal gone south but I know. I knew it the moment I saw it. You know what my people did? They knew and they cast me out. They went on with their lives while I bounced around in foster homes, getting kicked at. ”

(Y/N) felt tears sting her eyes she imagined little Erik crying and flailing his arms while being dragged to foster care. How can anyone leave family behind?

 “Do you know who killed him?”

“Yeah.”

“So you are doing this for vengeance?”

“Justice.” He replied without missing a bit. (Y/N) refrained from saying they weren’t the same thing him. They fell in companionable silence, somehow in sync with each other without speaking. Until someone- a beautiful woman, dark skin glowing and with a curious look on her eyes approached them.

“Erik.” She exclaimed, giddy with enthusiasm; Erik reciprocated, giving her a quick hug and offering the seat next to him. It was quick to deduce their relationship from the way they acted. (Y/N) felt her chest tighten, a burn spreading through her lungs.

“This is (Y/N) by the way.” He introduced. The girl winked, slinging her arms around his shoulder. Leaning to his ear she whispered something along the line of ‘for the night’ and Erik shook his head. (Y/N) felt awkward witnessing the battle of whisper that ensued, trying to decipher what they were on about. In the end the girl ignored Erik’s “She’s not for that” and offered her hand to shake.

“What can I get you? I’m Angelique by the way.”

(Y/N) blinked, confused by the flirtatious behavior. Erik tried to interject but he was overruled by Angelique. “Loose that boring ass attitude nigga she can speak for herself.” She chastised him and turning to (Y/N) asked, “We thinking of dipping. You wanna join us?”

“I uh- I don’t wanna intrude.” She looked at Erik uncertainly; his lips were tight, his eyes unreadable.

“Intrude? Girl don’t make laugh. You some cute shit to be sitting here all night long when you could just let us take care of you.” She leaned a bit closer so (Y/N) could see how wide her pupil was. “My nigga here can fuck you like no man but me, not to blow my own trumpet but my pussy eating skills are bomb-“

“I don’t doubt it.” (Y/N) said quickly. “But really, I should go. Thanks for the offer and everything. It was nice meeting you and uh- yeah that’s it.” (Y/N) got up and paid her bill, ignoring Angelique’s plea. She couldn’t believe she was declining a threesome with Killmonger.

“See ya around Stevens.” She called, bidding them goodnight.

“Night shawty.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

As dusk gave away into night, the storm that was brewing slowly all afternoon transformed into an immense cluster of dark grey clouds that spread over the sky like thick woolen blanket. Golden flash of light frequently cut through the charcoal black sky, the clouds pregnant with rain rumbled like an angry predator. A strong gust of wind blew from north, making the overhead cords sway like a woman's hair in storm. It was like the end of the world- the Judgement day.

(Y/N) sat by the window in the common room, alone. The whistling of the wind through the empty corridor made her shiver. Her colleagues were gone to the local club, ignoring the promise of heavy downpour. She wondered how they'd get back.

Soon rain came down hard upon them, pattering on the metal shades- a shower of bullets and flooding the streets like broken dam. The sweet, damp smell of earth permeated through the air and the branches of trees clapped with cheer. Then the full power of the storm was unleashed. Above the crown of the building, the dark sky was split open in jagged line of silver and thunder cracked like whip. The howling grew stronger as did the lashing of rain against the windows; the power went out, plunging (Y/N) in a sea of darkness.

The room temperature had dropped- there weren't any more living soul in the barracks that night. Instead of searching for flashlight, (Y/N) sat on her spot, unable to tear her eyes away from the blinding lightning. Each time they struck, the walls and frame of doors and windows vibrated showing just how easy it'd be for Nature to demolish anything if she decided.

Something moved in the dark. It might be a trick of lightning, still her hackles rose in alert. She listened for any sound of movements, trying to filter them through the sound of the rain. Another thunder cracked like Thor's Hammer and it illuminated the dark figure on the threshold for a millisecond.

"Fuck." (Y/N) hissed as soon as the man flicked on the flashlight. It blinded her for a good few seconds. "You scared the shit outta me."

"Whatchu doing here in the dark?" Erik said. The tap of his boots echoed as he approached her.

"Nothing. Aren't you supposed to be in some club with bitches hanging off you?"

"You jealous, ma?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

"If you say so. Nah I came back…ain't nothing good going on with these clubs- same white ass music, same hoes every damn day." He leaned against the window. "Plus the winds been picking up so I figured I better get back before I get all soggy and wet like a bitch."

(Y/N) tried to ignore his presence and lapsed back into silence, focusing on the steady fall of rain outside, punctuated with massive thunderclap. A click later, a flame lit up the room, quivering in the wind. Erik lit up a blunt and put it between his lips.

“You ran yesterday pretty fast.” He said taking a drag and offering. (Y/N) declined.

"I don't do that shit."

"Word? You really are a goddamn pussy." The tip of the blunt smoldered in the dark. Erik took a long drag and released; the acrid smoke wafted to her nose and (Y/N) sneezed.

"Lemme guess. Your folks in those preppy schools didn't smoke weed or you were the prefect or something so they never did it in front of you."

"I have asthma." (Y/N) explained. "And I was in a missionary school but no prefect."

"Why not? You fit the type."

"Nah. I was the only colored girl there, I didn't want to give'em anymore reason to separate me."

Erik grunted in understanding. "But ain't too late to start. Here, take a drag. It lowers all them shyness."

"You mean my sense of judgement?" (Y/N) commented drily, pushing away his hand.

"Sense of judgement huh?" She saw Erik's silhouette move in the dark and suddenly he was beside her. "So if I took away your sense of judgment, what you gon do when I do this?"

He rested his palm on the underside of her right thigh and moved it up. (Y/N) was paralyzed instantly; his touch left a tingling feeling on her naked skin.

"Erik-" (Y/N) warned but it came out as a low pleading noise.

Erik ignored her plea and brought his mouth down to her ear. "Shh...I gotchu baby." He whispered voice thick with want and tossed the blunt away, putting it off with his feet. His fingers worked between her legs, caressing close to her spot. Her body jolted with excitement. Stupid, she chastised herself and swatted his hand away. If she allowed him to linger any longer, she'd burst into flames.

"Stop." She hissed and made to climb off the window but Erik grabbed her hands and positioned himself between her legs.

"Funny. That's not what you said that night." His chuckle made her blood curdle.

"What night?" She croaked though she knew damn well which night he was referring to. She had refused to think about it; it was an instinctual act that was unchecked by sedatives.

"That night. The night you were all over me. Don't try and lie baby-girl. I can see them in your eyes even in the dark.”

 She wasn’t all over him, (Y/N) wanted to say but it died down in her throat as she was suddenly yanked forwards. The temperature of the room had increased significantly; (Y/N) wanted nothing more than get out of her clothes.

"I was inebriated." She whispered with the last ounce of thinking ability. The grip on her wrists tightened and (Y/N) had to agree it was arousing her. Without any warning, he took her ear between his teeth and tugged.

"Fuck." (Y/N) hissed, caving into him.

"Whatchu say now?" Erik chuckled.

"I said you are an asshole. Get off me." She pushed him back but Erik was significantly stronger than her. Like iron shackles he bound her, rendering her powerless. His hips were level with hers and his growing arousal was pressing to her clothed sex. (Y/N) made a mental note of making confession appointment as she let out an embarrassing whimper.

"You like this don't chu? Hmm?" He sucked at the crook of her neck. "Being at my mercy? Being dominated?"

He pinned both her hands behind her back and moved his free hand to her neck. "I knew it that day. At the training arena. How desperately you needed me."

Lies, she thought. Truth, her conscience countered.

"Its okay ma. I wanted you too. Your ass looked so good in those pants, so fucking firm. And your thighs? Damn girl, I'd let you choke me with them."

It was embarrassing how much she was savoring the compliments he threw her way. She had always preferred silent, passionate sex but Erik's praise was lighting her up like no one. Erik gripped her neck as he sucked on her skin with ferocity. Then his hands were off her neck and moving down between her cleavage.

Can he just hurry the fuck up? (Y/N) flushed at her own urgency. She hated him, her brain reasoned. He was a contractual killer, with no remorse or gave a single flying fuck about her. But damn was he good with his tongue.

By then Erik had understood she had submitted completely. He let go off her hands and cupped her breast.

"So hard." He pressed her aching nipples. His hand moved to her hips and suddenly he was sinking to the ground. As soon as he attached his lips to her knee, (Y/N) cried with pleasure. He was rising again, dragging his lips upward, leaving trail of saliva from his open mouthed kiss and suddenly just near her groin, and his lips were gone.

Lightning flashed making her jump. "Erik?"

He responded by grabbing her by her waist and hoisting her up on his shoulder.

"The fuck is you doing?" She squealed which earned her a slap on her back. He walked away from the window and deposited her on a table not far from their original address. As soon as she was seated, Erik seized her forwards by her thigh and felt her through her panties.

"So fucking wet and you ain't seen ma dick yet." His words set fire to her already throbbing clit. Erik palmed her thoroughly soaked underwear and slipped in finger under the fabric. His finger pressed between her lips and fondled her. The ministration made her body quake and he slipped his finger in. (Y/N) pressed down, trying to create friction.

"Just like that-" Erik breathed and added another finger. They were thick and calloused, making (Y/N) yelp as she felt the burn of herself stretching. "So tight."

(Y/N) closed her eyes and started rolling her hips to meet his thrusts. She was breathing through mouth like asthma patient, Erik had robbed her off her breath. "Wish I could see you. Riding my fingers so good. Nngh-"

Jesus fucking Christ, does this man not know how to shut up?

"Oh fuck-" She yelled as he curled his his fingers inside her.

"Hush- Imma make you feel so good. You just gotta ask daddy."

"I ain't calling you daddy, nigga." (Y/N) snapped to which Erik chuckled.

"We'll see 'bout that." He removed his fingers and hooked them around the elastic of her panties and yanked, hard. "Won't need'em."

She heard him working on his zipper and leaned back on her hands, bracing herself. The anticipation was killing her. After Erik had freed himself, he grabbed her by her hips and tugged her so his hard erection was rubbing against her lips. With pleasure, she noted he was already leaking.

Sticking his hands inside her dress, he attacked her neck again. (Y/N) responded immediately. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her fingers found their way to his dreads and tugged. Erik bit down on her skin.

(Y/N) grunted. The heat between them was getting too much and she wanted to be release. Erik didn't miss her impatience.

"You want this dick so much, don't chu?" He taunted. "So damn impatient."

(Y/N) wanted to smack him but she could only whimper.

"I get it, baby. Just say it. Say you want this dick. Say you want me to fill you up."

"I am not begging." (Y/N) hissed.

"Nah. You gon beg. Yo gon beg to be fucked. Or else imma leave you like this."

He sounded sincere but (Y/N) noticed something too- she could also leave him starved judging by how needy he sounded. She pursed her lips and held back, increasing his impatience.

"Beg." Erik commanded and squeezed her tits.

(Y/N) lost her control. "Fuck me."

"What was that?"

"I said fuck me." She snapped irritably.

"Nah that won't do. Say you want mah cock in you." That smug bastard.

"Nngh- no." She hissed.

"Fuck you stubborn bitch." Erik released her and parted her legs. "I ain't got no condom on me."

"It's okay- I got pills. You clean?"

"Yeah." Erik confirmed. "Spread ya legs mama. A little more."

He aligned himself on her entrance and slid in. All breath and thoughts exited her body as soon as her wall began to stretch around him. She grabbed his shoulder for support and pushed herself

forward.

"So tight. Like fucking virgin."

(Y/N) moaned breathlessly. Erik was filling up her so good. She found herself wishing she had given in sooner. Once fully inside, he hauled her up by her hip once again and started moving. Incoherent sobs escaped her along with uncensored words from her mouth. The pain had given away to intense pleasure, she dug her nails on her back as he started to bounce her up and down.

"So good for me, so slick. Been dreaming about this ass for months-"

(Y/N) blocked out his voice and let herself lose in ecstasy. She threw her head back and moaned as her toes curled with sparks of pleasure. Erik made to grab her hair but since they were only inch long, he settled his grip around her neck. The table rocked violently with them, matching the rhythm of the storm outside. She felt her orgasm building; it was intense and boiling to the neck. Judging by Erik's moan, she deduced he was close too.

Her orgasm hit her first, quaking through her body and reducing her to shivering mess; she practically saw stars in the dark room.

"Nngh- not gon last." He groaned and started to to pull out.

"Come inside me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Do it."

Erik whimpered as he came filling her with his fluid, the warmth was oozing out of her. His breathing was labored like hers; the grip on her hips would definitely leave mark. She felt him sag from post-coital euphoria, both of them were sated.

As they were catching up on their breathing, the storm had subsided. The howl of wind has died down and it was just drizzling outside. (Y/N) heard something akin to drag of door.

"Someone's coming." She whispered. Erik let her down and pulled out quickly. She searched for her shoes that had slipped off and tugged down her dress, making herself presentable lest anyone suspect. Erik too had pulled up his trousers.

The many voices grew louder and both of them separate without words. Once back in her quarter, (Y/N) realized she had forgotten her panties.


	7. Chapter 7

It was immediately proved that whatever Erik had for (Y/N) was temporary, a spur of the moment thing. She never saw him after their encounter- he had gone off without a trace, probably in other hemisphere right now. He wasn't expected to hang around, Erik did not work like that; all he wanted was one good fuck and since she had given him that, all her worth was lost to him.

Just around the time of New Year, Erik resurfaced. As predicted, he never met her gaze. His attention was arrested by a new recruit- a busty girl with jewel like eyes, rather pretty, (Y/N) had to acknowledge.

"That didn't take long." She thought to herself when she spotted him getting cozy with her.

Well, since she was just a time-pass for him, (Y/N) refused to acknowledge him as anything other than that. Her life was finally settling into a routine- work was particularly demanding- there was hardly any time for anything else. After Saldana's departure, she had look out for a more affordable accommodation. That was how she met Roy Butler. He too was looking for one and offered to take her out on a date. (Y/N) had initially declined but she had been alone for too long. So she called him one day accepting the date he had asked her on, also because fuck Erik.

The weather was unfavorable so they stayed indoor; Roy was gentle and attentive with her, praising her beauty instead of her pussy, a sharp contrast to Killmonger. With all that rage inside him, he always saw beauty in violent acts. Was that because of his neglected childhood? She found it hard to imagine what he'd have become if he had been brought up differently.

But why was she thinking about him when she was lying in sated in Roy's arms? Erik Stevens wasn't worthy of her shoe's dirt. Unbidden, guilt started nagging her for using him to take her mind off some dickhead. She needed to get away.

"I gotta go." She announced, reaching for her discarded shirt.

"So soon? But the weather's bad."

"It's just windy. Besides, I got some work to finish." She proceeded to get dressed.

"Wasn't it okay?" He asked anxiously.

"Oh no it was great. Perfect." She leaned down and kissed him chastely. "But really I gotta go."

"Okay." He said dubiously.

"I'll call you." She promised.

The storm had picked up outside as did the rain. The streets were almost deserted, few vehicles raced by, hurling dirty water at her. By the time (Y/N) sought refuge in a nearby medical store, she was soaked to her underwear. A silver Lexus was parked in front of the store that she had to go around.

"You-" (Y/N) gasped when she recognized Erik at the counter. "What are you doing here?"

"Restocking." He said with a glint in his eyes. (Y/N)'s eyes darted to the objects he had been paying for- strips of medicines and a box of condoms.

"I see." She looked away. This day couldn't get any worse, it seemed.

"You need a lift?" Erik asked after he had done paying. "I could drop you on the way. You need to get outta them clothes."

"Nah I'll be okay." (Y/N) replied rather sharply. Her anger towards him made no sense but she couldn't help herself. As if to contradict her, her nose started tingling and (Y/N) sneezed loudly.

Erik arched his eyebrows in amusement.

"Achoo!" She sneezed again.

"C'm on. You ain't going nowhere in this storm." He was right though; the rain showed no sign of stopping and she did need to get out of these clothes lest she catches a cold. Erik led her to the Lexus which she had suspected it was his as soon as she had spotted Erik inside.

"Hol up-" He laid a mat on the seat so that (Y/N) doesn't get the seat wet and slipped into the driver's seat.

"So where you been to? Dick appointment?" Erik was first to break the uncomfortable silence.

"What?"

"That bomb-ass dress. Lipstick. It ain't hard to tell." He shrugged.

"It's none of yo business."

Erik snorted in reply.

"What?"

"It's the same withchu. You got the same thirst as us but you won’t admit it."

"What does that mean?"

Erik didn't reply. They lapsed back to quietude. He hadn't switched on the interior lights; the indicators glowed blue and red in the dark. (Y/N) focused on the outside. The storm was growing more intense. Once or twice, Erik had to swerve quickly to avoid collision; it was damn impossible to see.

"Fuck. We can't drive in this weather. You mind crashing at ma place?"

Oh so that was his plan all along. "Aw hell no. I ain't going to yo place nigga. Just drop me anywhere. I'm sure I can find my way."

"Why? You don't trust me?"

"With good reason." She retorted.

"Fine." He conceded but soon (Y/N) realized they weren't driving to hers.

"You bitch ass-"

"You know how to thank me." Erik said, holding out the door for her. She ignores his suggestive remark and stepped out.

The apartment he stayed in was fairly spacious, the kind (Y/N) had been searching for. It had minimum furniture, no emotion, no personality, nothing to suggest a well balanced man's presence. It was a ghost's nest, one who held nothing sentimental.

Inside the bedroom, she let her wet jacket fall to the floor. The room contained a medium sized bed, neatly made, no sign of being slept on; a bureau; a large cupboard. There were no drapery curtains at the windows, no pictures on the wall.

Erik threw a hoodie which she caught mid air.

"You got any underwear?" She asked, hesitating to ask if he had got her panties from that night.

"Nope. But you can wear one of mine. It's clean." He said when she made a face.

"Fine."

"I'm finna take a shower-" She heard him say. "You wanna go first?"

"Mm no." She replied absentmindedly, inspecting the door of the cupboard. Grabbing hold of the handle, she pulled it open. Before she knew it, Erik had crossed the room and shut the door so hard that (Y/N) flinched.

"Here." He extracted a towel from one of the drawers and shoved her way. Snatching his own, he left for bathroom.

(Y/N), still shaken from his abrupt rudeness, made sure he was gone and stripped down. The wet dress had clung to her like it was her own skin. The lingering chill in the air made her hairs stand; she rubbed her arms to provide herself with warmth. She dried herself with the the towel Erik had provided, wondering if he used it on him. Wrapping herself with the towel, she caught herself in the mirror.

Her hair had become longer in the span of few months but still nowhere near her original length. It made her look younger. (Y/N) possessed a toned body, result of her regular training. Her breasts were small, pointed, her waist narrow but she was by no means skinny. Her legs were strong, capable of taking her away from danger or towards it.

An eerie feeling crept inside her, a sort of thrilling instinct to do something dangerous. Gingerly she started to touch herself to the thought of him, just her arms and belly, letting herself lose in the delightful sensation. She had to stop; Erik could be back any moment.

Quite unknown to her, Erik was standing on the doorway. The strategic placement of the mirror provided an excellent view of (Y/N)'s naked back. He watched mesmerized as she caressed her skin just like he wanted to. She continued, oblivious to his gaze as if she was in a world of her own.

(Y/N) felt her heart stop as soon as she felt the hot breath on her bare neck. Next she felt his hands on her shoulder, hot as iron blazing red with heat. Her mind went blank effectively relieving her from all conscious thoughts but her body knew just how to react. It moved rhythmically to the song of their blood pulsating with desire. The tiny nagging voice had once again been suppressed by the intense want rising in the pit of her center.

They moved in sync; with her back to his chest, they began the dance. His hands sought out her breasts, cupping them; they perked up with attention and (Y/N) sighed, melting into him. Amidst twisting her already hard and aching nipples, he brought his lips to her ear, his stubble brushed against her temple. Their movement loosened the towel around her and it slipped, exposing her skin to the chill.

With unbearably slow movements, he moved down her belly, leaving goose bumps in its wake. Her skin was still soft and supple from the rain. Soon as his hand covered her sex, (Y/N) moaned relishing the electrical sparks his touch sent through her. Erik's own breathing was uneven. Slipping his finger between her folds, he made a delighted sound akin to purring of cat.

"Your pussy is fucking dripping baby-girl. All these for me?"

(Y/N) whimpered and arched her back, unable to form any sentence. But Erik was always a verbal participant, he wanted to hear what he can do, how good he was. He liked the moans of submission; he reveled in its song.

"I asked if this is all for me." He roughly shoved two fingers inside her.

"Yes baby. Nngh. Yes." (Y/N) keened. She had dreamed of this, his fingers inside her once again, taking his time with his adroit fingers, making all her carnal desires come true. Rocking her hips, she angled her head and captured his lips with her own.

Have they kissed before? She couldn't recall but it felt heavenly. It might be her favorite- how his full lips enveloped her, the way he tugged her plump bottom lip that was at once painful and arousing. Tilting back her neck, she kissed him back with as much possessiveness he showed while his fingers worked inside her.

"Imma make you feel-" He moaned as (Y/N) licked his lips. "-make you feel so good. Imma give you all yo body's missing, all that you ain't ever known."

She hissed as the third finger breached her entrance. It was starting to hurt.

"Erik-" She pleaded. He responded by whirling her around by her hips and drawing her flush against his naked chest, her nipples brushed on his scars and she knew she couldn't replace him with any man, he was so distinct.

Grabbing her ass, he dragged her to the bed and threw her down most carelessly. Before she could finish her curse, Erik had his hands one her thighs and spreading her legs. Shame hit her as she pictured herself through his eyes, lying naked; her legs parted displaying herself completely. Instinctively, she closed her legs.

"Nah ma. You ain't got nothing to be ashamed of." He climbed in the bed and divided her legs once again.

"This sweet little cunt of yours-" He murmured, hovering over her and dipped down to kiss between her breasts. "I'm gonna ruin this pussy." His lips closed around her left nipple, prompting her to cry out. "But first-"

(Y/N) looked up as she felt him move down; her blood froze when she saw the glint in his eyes as his looked up between her legs. There was nothing she could compare this sight with- Killmonger between her legs, gazing hungrily at her, like she was all that mattered to him at that moment.

The first swipe of his tongue felt cool and electrifying. (Y/N) jolted upwards but Erik, skilled as he was held her down by her hips and continued to eat her out. (Y/N) sobbed and cried as she thrashed under the assault of his skilled tongue. Her knuckles went white from the death grip she had on the mattress, litany of curses escaped her lips unchecked.

Erik looked up once- (Y/N) had her eyes rolled to the back of her head, her mouth in perfect 'O'. He thought about all things he'd do to that mouth but later. He wanted to bring her to edge first; it was all about her pleasure. There's something about the way she responded to him, the way that raw desire got hindered by her doubts, it felt real for him. He couldn't get enough of this girl.

(Y/N) was already seeing stars, she had long since given up keeping track of time, wishing to continue and find release at once. The continual flick of his tongue on her clit encouraged a steady build of intense orgasm.

"Erik-" She whined but he paid her no mind, stimulating her fast and brutally. 

She came like she had been seized by sudden wave which tossed her around with no mercy. Her clit throbbed as she achieved her release, panting for breath. She was absolutely spent, black dots dancing in her vision. When she raised herself on her elbows, she found Erik still licking off her juices.

"Sorry." She said in a small voice.

"Whatchu talking 'bout?" Killmonger smirked. "I ain't done till I make yo shit squirt again."

Erik gave no time for recovery; quick as a cat he was on his feet and flipped her on her front.

"Lemme catch my breath nigga-" (Y/N) wheezed and tried to get up with her feeble limbs.

"Nah I don't think so." He declared, rewarding her with a slap on her ass.

"Bitch." (Y/N) cried as she felt her skin sting. It aroused her too; it shouldn't, not after her recent orgasm just five seconds ago. The bed dented as Erik climbed aboard.

"Ass up." He commanded. When she refused to cooperate, his strong arms seized her hips and pulled her to his liking. It was the most exposed and vulnerable she had ever felt. "Hold on tight baby-girl. You gon learn not to disobey me again."

The deep timbre of his threats made her quake with anticipation; the promise of danger, the unknown sent her into a frenzied state of utter madness. Erik's palm ran over the small of her back and then the curve of her hips. (Y/N) found herself thrusting upwards shamelessly; Erik brought out the primal animalistic side of her, the pride she had for her rational faculty was insubstantial compared to the effect he had on her.

With his thick fingers, he started to tease her wetness. It was over-sensitive from coming and the further taunting made her jerk with impatience.

"Fuck Erik!"

"Patience mama." He whispered, leaning over and covering her with his chest. "Imma take ma time with chu- fuck you real slow. You finna squirt all over this dick."

Her fervent confession of how much she wanted him was replaced by strangled cry as soon as he entered him. She exhaled loudly and held her breath till he slid in all the way. Move, she prayed and Erik complied, thrusting in and out with increasing acceleration.

"Motherfucking- nngh. Fuck." She mewled when he hit her spot. Encouraged, Erik angled himself to hit that spot again.

"Damn this pussy-" He groaned, "All mine. It belongs to me now. Ain't no nigga touching my shit."

(Y/N) mewled, basking in his possessiveness.

"Say it. Say you mine-"

"Yes." (Y/N) cried. "All yours baby."

This was just sex talk she knew, she wasn't going to take it for literal meaning. She was his hoe like he was her, it isn't exclusive. She banished the thoughts and focused on her pleasure. In record time, she came sobbing Erik's name.

"Fuck mama...you gon make daddy come."

And come he did, flooding her inside with his cum. He head was buried in the crook of her shoulder, the heavy breath he took synchronized with her own. The room smelled of sweat, lavender and sex, a heavy intoxicating combination. (Y/N) collapsed soon and Erik did too, just on top of her.

Sometime later, when she could no longer feel her leg, (Y/N) stirred. Erik rose to and slid out of her. He looked glorious in his post-fucked state. If she weren't tired, she would have jumped on him again.

"Where you going?" She asked baffled when Erik dressed and started to walk away.

"Got some shit to do."

Bullshit, (Y/N) thought. "You are not gonna sleep here?"

Erik paused in the doorway. "We ain't together." He stated without turning his head. "I don' do that shit."

"I don't either." She said coolly. "But you can sleep here. It doesn't have to mean anything."

Erik turned this time; conflict evident in his face.

"C'm on." (Y/N) patted the bed, gesturing him to get in.

For a moment Erik appeared to give in but controlled himself quickly. She was temporary, he reminded himself. He had entertained her enough; she didn't need to be encouraged any further.

Walking out, he closed the door behind him.

* * *

(Y/N) woke up to the sun rudely poking her in the eye- the storm had passed overnight but the air was cool. She rubbed her eyes, taking in her surroundings. Once she gained full consciousness, she realized she was lying naked in tangle of sheet in a foreign bed. Killmonger's face surfaced in her memory, as did the ghost of his fingers all over her skin. Fuck.

Slowly and reluctantly she rose, picking up the clothes she had been offered last night. Her body was littered with red and purple bruises and scratch marks; her muscles ached even after a good night's sleep as though she had been used all night. There was no point regretting- she had come to terms with the fact that her body craved him, there's no reason to keep denying if it didn't harm her. She could keep it impersonal.

She caught Erik's figure in the kitchen. Instead of approaching him, she slipped into the bathroom.

Her host was making eggs when (Y/N) got out of bathroom to meet him.

"Hey." She called.

Erik turned; he had a tranquil smile on his face that looked oddly fitting. She hardly ever saw him react in way other than snarl or smirk. She committed it to her memory; it was a rare sight after all. He wore a loose white tee paired with shorts, looking domestic and harmless. She didn't comment upon it, lest it irked him off.

"Need any help?" She offered, her empty hands felt useless.

"Nah I got it. Coffee?"

"Yeah."

Erik poured her a mug which she accepted and climbed on the kitchen counter.

"Dark and bitter." She commented on his drink. "Just like your soul."

"Oh you got jokes now?"

"Gotta have some talent." She shrugged. The coffee tasted really bitter, she almost spat it out. One could always add sugar to sweeten it. “It’s hard to get laid without one.”

“You don’t need no talent. I know too many guys targeting that ass.”

“Just not you.” (Y/N) said, looking up from her glass.

 “That ain’t true.” He replied.

“No? You disappeared. I thought you were done with me.”

“You though I was-“ He snorted. (Y/N) failed to see what was amusing. “Don’t mind that shit- I was keeping ma distance cuz you were literally shooting dagger at me every time I look yo way. I thought you didn’t want me around no more.”

“And that’s why you stopped?”

“You a scary bitch ma.”

“Nigga I’m half a head shorter than you. How could I be scary?” She laughed. It didn’t hit her until later that it was the first time he made her laugh. It felt refreshing, no different from what normal people do.

Erik was observing her intently- the sun rays streaming through the tiny window of his apartment made her golden skin radiate, those plump lips, the dazed look in her honey brown eyes made her look...angelic.

"What?" (Y/N) asked when she noticed him staring without blinking.

"Take off the underwear."

"Huh?" She chuckled, not quite believing.

"Take off your underwear." He ordered a bit more sternly.

Words left her. "Why?"

"Cuz I told you to. Don't make me rip it off you."

As if hypnotized, (Y/N) raised her hips and pulled off her underwear. Erik licked his lips in appreciation, eyes clouded with lust. He could drink her flawed beauty for eternity but still never tire of it.

"Touch yourself."

"What?" (Y/N) croaked.

"Did I stutter?"

(Y/N) had heard him perfectly but her sense of modesty and shame forbade her to obey him. But on the other side was this immense urge to please him when she spotted him growing hard for her. Warily, with tremendously shaking hands she began to rub her clit.

"Look at me when you touch yo'self. Take one finger."

(Y/N) did. It felt nothing like his but still more pleasing than when she played with herself herself alone. Feeling bold, she dipped deeper into her gushing cunt, rubbing her breasts while she was at it.

"In and out." He directed. "Slowly."

She heeded his commentary, doing just as she was being told. She had handed the governance of her body to him. Erik had freed himself and was stroking himself.

"Ay mama. Two fingers now."

Erik cooed, showering her with praises. "Doing so good for me baby. You like fucking yo'self or want ma dick?"

"Erik please-" She moaned. How quick it had worked her up.

He did not make her wait too long. Standing between her legs, he aligned his member to her entrance and teased the tip of it on her lips. (Y/N) clutched the edge of the counter to compensate for the pain he was inflicting. Once he was inside her, she wrapped her legs around him and started rocking her hips. They did not break the eye contact; it was where they lost themselves. The entire world faded away with all the baggage that tied them down, taking away every single conflict and doubt until it was just only them, consuming each other, forming one unity.

He was extremely beautiful, she thought for the millionth time. She wanted to appreciate all of him, examine all of his scars, all of which defined him.

"(Y/N)?" He said, cupping her face, his voice incredibly tender.

"Mm?"

"Just-" He hesitated, a riot tearing his mind. She waited but he never finished but kissed her with such affectionate intensity, she never knew he was capable of having. It was almost sweet.

"Take me to bed." She whispered urgently.

Once they were done, she lay plastered to him, resting her head on his arm. The tranquility that surrounded them felt natural, like this was how it should be. Erik stirred, trying to get up.

"Stay." (Y/N) murmured.

Erik fell back. "Just a bit more."


	8. Chapter 8

Erik was an unquenchable partner. Every time they hooked up, it always led to two or more round in several different positions. (Y/N) wasn't complaining about his insatiability; he knew what he was doing and he did it most dexterously. His visits were infrequent. When he appeared, he blew her back out and the next morning he had evaporated. (Y/N) hated this inconsistency and she swore that was it but then suddenly he was at her door, looking downright tempting, ready to fuck out her misgivings against him.

Even though it was clear she was free to see anyone, she never called Roy back. She had always been self sufficient and with Erik taking care of her sexual life, this was the best arrangement. She never asked what they were. But there was no denying she felt jab of jealousy when she'd catch Erik grinding against some nameless chick in the club. He wasn't doing it to make her jealous, no, it was just side effect. Erik liked variety, he liked the fast lane. And (Y/N) couldn't give him that. So she masked the bitterness and let him do what he wanted. In that way he won't see her as whiny.

"There's no point spilling tears on him." She remembered an old advice she got in her college days. "Men like him are wanderers, they just pass through us and leave us for shit but we'd still tap him. He got no roots, he ain't looking for one either."

They continued to clash. Both in bedroom and outside it. In everyone’s eyes it was the usual- they were unaware of the recent development of their relationship ((Y/N) had insisted they keep it secret stating she wanted it to be just their thing while in truth, she was still trying to adjust to the fact that she was fucking around with a psychopath; Erik, unaware or not, had concurred with his nonchalant shrug). Maybe it was their contradictory stance regarding the way the world ran or the feeling of neglect that Killmonger subjected her to- it sparked many of their squabbles. The later argument was Erik’s when she had tried to deter him from undertaking an assignment she believed to be against morality.

“Aren't you supposed to be ‘mah country right or wrong’?” He had said when she confronted him. “Besides, I thought we decided we ain’t gon mix these shits. You don’t fuck with mine and I don’t fuck with yours.”

At that moment (Y/N) knew that she will never be anything more an instrument to him; she did not matter to him so much that her opinion counted. Times like these, she wondered if it was worth it.

Killmonger returned from his mission sporting more scars- this time a little lower than his naval. She spotted them when he had- upon returning- pounced upon her. (Y/N) kissed back, matching his passion that stemmed from weeks of separation. She felt full, alive. Up until she felt the recent scars through his clothes.

“What’s this?”

Erik smirked, stepping away to pull the shirt over his head to reveal his defined torso. The area was covered by bandage, under it she spied antiseptics. (Y/N) traced them with her fingers, feeling the slight bumps. Erik watched the smile in her face curdle like lemon in milk.

“It didn’t bother you before.” He remarked, recalling the time she first viewed his scars.

“That was different.“

“How?”

“I don’t know.” (Y/N) said frustrated with herself. Perhaps it was because she had not been involved with him then; now she felt she had a hand in every life Killmonger took- a testimony of her failure.

“Is this gon be a problem between us?”

(Y/N) ignored the question as she turned away; she couldn’t bear to be near him at the moment.

 “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Nah c’m on. You got something to say, say it. I told you not to hold yo tongue ‘round me.”

“What do you want me to say Killmonger? That I’m happy that you tore down another government? That you added new numbers to your literal living chronicle?” She pointed at his chest; her own chest was tight with the emotion building up. “Your hands are dripping.”

Erik’s jaw tightened. “You knew the fuck you was signing up for- you know the shit I do. And don’t act like you some saint- yo hand ain’t clean either.”

(Y/N) wanted hurl something at him, especially because what he said was true. What angered her wasn’t only that he threw it at her face but also he did at a time when she was being real.

“Yeah you are right. This was stupid to begin with.”

“Nah tomorrow you gon be crawling back to me mama.” Erik said smugly. “Imma eat that pussy of yours and you gonna eat yo words.”

“I’m being serious Stevens. If I say we done, we done. You ain’t coming back nigga.”

Erik stopped mid-stride. “You being serious?”

“Hell yeah I am.” She confirmed but somewhere in the back of her mind she was hoping he’d put up a fight. He didn’t.

“Okay.” He turned his back on her, proceeding to pull on his clothes leaving her hanging. There was something in that cold, distant of his, a sort of indignation behind it as though (Y/N) had not just rejected him but also invalidated his struggle. His words were cold, it sliced his skin. But her warm words burnt him.

Swallowing her pride, she asked him, “You gonna lemme go just like that?”

“It’s yo call. Like I said, you free to walk out anytime you want or in this case, I got to.” He shoved his fist down his pockets and walked past her, heading for the door. She should tell him to stop, she wanted to but she couldn’t. She was therefore surprised when Killmonger stopped by the door.

“This isn’t how I wanted to end it.” He said quietly, tapping his knuckles against the open door.

“Well I didn’t see us ending any other way.” (Y/N) said.

“There’s no ‘us’ I told you.”

“In multiple occasions I remember. I was just using as general term.” She paused and then continued. “I don’t want you to go Erik.”

Erik didn’t reply. He didn’t leave either.

“I’m not okay with what you do but maybe I can try living with it.” She couldn’t believe it was her own voice. Killmonger too had not expected her to compromise. He stared at her with his curious puppy eyes. “Maybe be we should talk about it or I don’t know. Just- I just know I don’t want you to leave.”

She did not dare look at door, fearing to see him gone. Her heartbeats filled up the silent room, still tense from their interaction. Then suddenly the door was being slammed shut and she was being pushed up against the cupboard.

"Erik-mmph." At first she thought he was attacking her. He came in charging, hoisting her half a foot above the ground with his strong arms and kissing her fiercely. (Y/N) exhaled and kissed back, letting herself be consumed by the spreading wildfire of lust. She had missed his touch, his lips all over her. Just then she understood, his anger was nothing but a shield for pain. He functioned the same way she did- shutting away and mask emotion with aggression.

They became a pair of cats in heat, clawing at each other desperately as though this was a matter of life and death.

“Wait you bandage-“ (Y/N) cautioned when it started to come off.

“Leave it. It’s almost healed.” Erik lifted her up in his grip, advancing toward the bedroom while not breaking their kiss; (Y/N) wound her legs around him. He was giving her a chance and she wouldn't let it go to waste.

In front of her bed, after she had relieved him of his jacket and shirt, Erik dropped down to his knees. When she looked down, she saw his dark eyes clouded with lust as he began kissing and nipping her thigh. The assault on her naked skin made her hackles rise. She grabbed his dreads for support as Erik continued to lick and bite on her skin. He too had gripped her thighs; he always admired the girth of it.

"Nngh...Erik."

"Shut up." His voice struck like whip. If it were anyone else, she would have broken their neck. But with Erik it was as though she was under his spell. She didn't need to get involved emotionally if this was what she got for the rest of her life.

Lost in her thoughts, she had been oblivious to his actions. But suddenly his mouth was on the lips of her pussy, kissing over the net of her underwear. She was already wet as shit and with Erik tugging down her underwear, she even more slick.

"Fuck!" (Y/N) cried and made and attempt to cover up. Erik grabbed her wrists and separated them forcefully.

"Nah...you ain't covering up again. Not while I'm around." He commanded. "No panties, baby-girl. Daddy wants to watch your sweet pussy drip."

(Y/N) turned red with embarrassment and bliss.

"Legs apart."

With iron grip on her thighs, Erik stuck his tongue inside her, licking away every drop of her wetness. In her head, there were only fireworks and the exquisite sensation between her legs. He sucked, slurped worshiping her with his tongue like he belonged there. After all these time, the thrill of having eaten out had never diminished. Her hips bucked as she felt herself coming.

Like the selfish bastard he was, Erik stifled her orgasm and rising, ripped her prized lingerie.

"Dammit nigga what's wrong with you? That cost me 40 dollars."

"You don' need them cheap ass shits." He said and rid himself of his jeans and boxers.

"Why? You gon buy me Victoria's Secret now?"

"So I can tear it off you again." He said and pushed her down to the bed. She now lay smirking, her legs parted obscenely. With hand on his cock, Erik knelt on the bed and lined himself up. Being already wet and stimulated, it took no great difficulty in sliding inside her. Hooking one leg over his shoulder, he started to fuck her roughly giving her no time to adjust.

(Y/N) sucked in breath as she tried to get used to his pace.

"Erik-" She whined.

"Shh. I know you can take it. Just a bit...mm. That's it baby-girl, you take me so well."

The moment he hit her spot, (Y/N) yelped in sudden sting of pleasure. Her throat was raw from screaming, she feared the looks she'd receive from her neighbors next day but the way Erik pounded into her, it was worth it. The room shook with her cries and the slap of skin against skin, uttering the lewdest sounds.

"Mm...Yeah." He crooned. "Gonna fuck you so good, you gonna be wet thinking of dick tomorrow."

After they were done, they laid in tangled mess of limbs, both having drifted off to deep sleep.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Present day:**

"So he was your-" T'challa faltered as he searched for a term that'd convey the meaning without offending her. "Lover?"

(Y/N) snorted; it felt out of place considering the grim faces of her guests.

"I'm a bit unfamiliar with colloquial terms." He confessed.

"You mean you are too modest. But I get what you are saying. He could be called friend with benefits but you gotta be friends to coin that term."

"And Erik wasn't?"

"A friendship is built upon mutual trust, sharing similar views, being there for each other. We had none of it. It was not what we wanted from each other."

"So you can confirm your relationship was nothing beyond physical?" The king asked hesitantly, it bothered him as much as it did her. His companions however were expressionless.

"I can confirm that Erik made it clear it was nothing beyond...physical. And I didn't want to get involved with him romantically. He wasn't someone who could be loved. At least I couldn't. But I was always a curious kind, I liked to know everything. It's my bane."

"And did Erik satisfy your curiosity?"

_________

**2 years ago:**

(Y/N) had just hit the bed when she was roused by the distressing ring of calling bell. It was the middle of the week and she had to leave for Ohio the next morning; she wanted nothing more than six hours of sleep. Cursing, she pulled on her housecoat and peeped through the eye hole.

The man at the door had a familiar shape but sagging like he was over seventy. He had what appeared to be backpack. Queer, she had never known Erik to carry stuff around. Flicking on the light of the corridor, she opened the door.

"Erik?" (Y/N) gasped when she saw the stain of blood on his jacket.

A pained smile appeared in his face. As he tried to get in, his steps faltered and he literally stumbled into her. With all of her strength she held up his considerably bigger frame and supported him in. He appeared to be in pain, grunting with every step. Erik winced as she made him sit down, letting his backpack fall off his shoulder.

"What happened?" She asked, frantically looking for anything that'd tell her. He looked harassed and disheveled, hair in complete disarray like he had been through hell. The left corner of his eye was cut open and thick blood came gushing down. His injuries in his bodies were more severe, (Y/N) found out when she removed his jacket. The soft colored shirt underneath had been dyed crimson by blood.

"It's not all mine."

"That's reassuring." There were two or more slices on his shirt and one gaping hole. She motioned him to lift his arm so she could rid him of his shirt. His face contorted with effort as he attempted to do so.

"Wait here." She said and rushed to get safety kit.

The blades of the scissors tore through the fabric revealing his toned chest. There seemed to be more scars that had joined his gallery. Gashes littered his chest like large cat scratches; blood wept slowly from the wounds. But the one below his right lung needed most attention. It was almost two and half inches wide, blood trickling down like mountain stream.

"Jesus fucking....the fuck you got yo'self into?"

"Don't ask. Don't tell." Erik panted.

"You need to get checked."

"I ain't going nowhere." He said stubbornly. "You know very well I can't do that shit."

As he spoke, (Y/N) noticed he was sporting gold grills on his bottom teeth but that was for another time. A keen cry elicited from his throat when (Y/N) touched the wound with gauze, trying to wipe the blood away. "Dammit bitch!"

"I told you nigga! You need medical attention."

"Just do what chu can."                       

"Fuck." (Y/N) exhaled. "Aight. C'm on. Hold on to me." Using her as support, Erik got up. The pain that had dulled for a while resumed its torturous sting. She wound her arms under hers just like he did when he held her up and staggered towards the bathroom. He was too heavy for her, more muscular and often (Y/N) stumbled, unable to support him.

"I can...nngh.. I can walk." Erik grunted.

"Nah- just a bit more."

By the time they reached the tub, she was completely out of breath. She stripped him off and guided him into the tub. She caught herself in the mirror- her housecoat was drenched with Erik's blood. She shed it, throwing it over the pile of Erik's soiled ones.

She retrieved antiseptic from the cabinets and her first aid kit. She had let the water run, filling the tub warm water. With dressing bandages and stitching items, she climbed on the tub so that she sat on her thighs, straddling him. Erik hissed and tossed under her as the antiseptic came in contact with the raw cut.

"Too much?"

"Nn-hnn... nah. I can take it."

"Okay."

The water in the bath soon turned crimson as she cleaned the injuries. His eyes were like puppies, (Y/N) realized when she met his gaze. They were earnest and twinkling. He leaned into her touch whenever she offered, trying to remain still.

"You gon tell me what happened or nah?"

"Usual shit." Erik said reluctantly. (Y/N) knew that voice. There was no way to break his security.

"Fine."

She had bandaged the smaller cuts but the bigger ones needed to be stitched. As the blood flow was heavy, she applied compression to cease bleeding. 

"Its better to do it in hospital, you know?"

"I trust ya. You gon do good."

His vote of confidence did nothing to increase her courage however. She found herself fumbling with the needle and thread. "Fuck." She cursed.

"Lemme do it." Erik tried to get up.

"I said I was doin it didn't I?" She snapped. After several trials she managed to get the thread through the eye if needle. "Okay. Stay still."

On her command, Erik braced himself. With the first prick of needle, Erik hissed. (Y/N) paused to let him collect his breath and worked steadily.

"Hurts?" She queried after finishing that one.

"Like a bitch."

"Mm. Two more to go."

After finishing, she drained the tub and filled it for final clean up. She undid his dreads and washed his hair; giving him a full bath. Erik let himself be taken cared off without single protest. She helped him get into the spare clothes Erik often left at her place (him being her occasional roommate then) and taken to her bed for rest.

Back in her living room, amidst the pile of cut clothes and drops of blood, (Y/N) found Erik's bag lying on the ground.

She remembered something Saldana once said. "No one knows nothing 'bout him."

Her words clicked in her brain. Judging Erik must have fallen asleep, she retrieved the bag and peeked inside. There were clothes, his laptop, energy bank, toiletries. Apart from these were unremarkable knick-knacks. It was the journal that arrested her attention.

It's pages were yellow with time but still well-preserved. They were in a different language, (Y/N) saw as she tried to decipher the first page. In between the pages she found the chain Erik wore around his neck; it dangled above her as Erik rocked on top of her. She took it for closer inspection.

The chain was snatched away so fast, it sliced her finger. Behind her Erik was hissing like an angry bull. 

"Fuck. It cut me."

 "I told you not to touch my stuff but ya nosy ass got to poke 'round everywhere."He said coldly.

"I wasn't-"

"Ay yo I know what you been doing. It ain't gonna work." He stuffed the journal in his bag and zipped it shut.

"What language is that?"

Silence.

"Whose is it?"

"None of yo business." He snarled. His hostility made her back away.

"Erik...we all got shits we wanna put past us and I ain't gonna judge you."

"This ain't about that!"

"Then what is it?"

"Dammit girl. When I tell you to zip it shut the fuck up."

"Why are you being so aggressive? I was just curious-"

"Cuz your stupid ass can't mind its own business. How many times I tell you, just cuz we fucking don't mean you get to sniff in my shit." He swung the bag around his shoulder and left for the bedroom. He appeared moments later, dressed completely in his bloodied boots.

"You are leaving?"

"Yup." He put on his sneakers without sparing her a glance.

"You can't-you are wounded!"

"I've been looking after myself all ma life. I'll be okay."

He completely disregarded her pleas to let herself explain. There was no point trying to restrain him but (Y/N) still tried.

"I didn't mean to violate your privacy."

"Well you did. That's ma shit and that's all u needa know. Shame you were never satisfied." With that he slammed the door behind him.  
  



	10. Chapter 10

The new place she had rented was a dingy flat in busy and notorious neighborhood. (Y/N) despised small places- it made her anxious. She had a place in mind but an investment for it required more than what she had saved so far. Until then, she could use the desk for her dinner table.    

Roy had offered her to move in with him. Yes she was back in contact with him. With so many inconsistencies in her life, she needed someone stable and that wasn't Erik Stevens. What was she thinking getting involved with a man like that? 

Initially, she had been regretful of her decision to provoke him. On multiple occasions he had shied away from divulging any personal information and it'd be stupid to nag him for it. That was exactly what she did and now she had lost him and thereby, lost her chance to decipher him. During the span of their months together, she had barely scratched the surface. It was never physical attraction for her- he drew her with his ambiguous personality, his obscure intention. She wanted to unravel him. 

Now that regret had been replaced by bitter hatred- for not giving her a chance, for throwing away all she had offered because he thought she was nothing more than a good lay. She was tired of men who made her feel that was all she was good for, men who had no place for women in their aspirations.

Erik had been remorseful having texted her multiple times (she had tried ignoring them but ultimately ended up reading). Soon the texts stopped coming and she busied herself with her own career; Erik was just a paragraph in her diary that she went back to from time to time. 

________

In the Pakhtunkhwa province of Pakistan, garrisoned by his henchmen was DIA's long coveted target of the Khalid Khandil. The assigned team landed in Peshawar accordingly as discreetly as possible so as not to risk notifying Pakistani authorities even though it was evident that they knew of Khandil's presence in their territory. The US-Pak relationship was volatile since Bin Laden's elimination but the US government was adamant to risk it. They had small window to capture Khandil and it was preferable not to involve them.

With Killmonger leading the assault team, they stormed in the alleged hideout- an advantageously guarded mansion fortified with armed rebels. The mission was confusing and messy. Their opponents assaulted them from all directions, gunshots cracked into the air as loud as thunder. (Y/N) was in the ground floor, taking down those who were fleeing. Her senses were hyperactive with adrenaline. There was no tomorrow in this fight- she held her breath and clutched her Magnum, straining to hear with every ounce of her concentration.

Bodies dropped on both sides. In a haze, (Y/N) watched Commander Hewitt being cornered by a particularly giant of a man. With the last bullet in her current clip she fired. It hit him in his bicep allowing Hewitt to escape.

Instead of dropping down however the man turned his gaze to her.

"Fuck." (Y/N) backed away, fumbling for a new clip.

The man was upon her in blink of an eye. With a sure kick, he knocked off her gun along with her spare clips and grabbed her by her neck and sent her flying to the wall. (Y/N) hit the floor with a loud thud, pain permeating through her leg from her injured knee. Her attacker roared in victory.

She picked herself up but before she could land a punch, the man grabbed her hand twisted, slamming her into a mirror. The glass broke and cut her forehead; trickle of blood blinded her vision and (Y/N) kicked around madly, trying to break free. Her senses were off, there was loud ringing tune in her ears as well as her eyes seeing double of everything. A kick in the ribs sent her tumbling in the floor. (Y/N) stilled and like Erik had mistaken before, the man assumed she was defeated and (Y/N) used it to her advantage, wrapping her thighs around his throat in death grip and took them down with her body. The hit on her back guaranteed a spinal cord injury but (Y/N) held on. The man wriggled in her grip and as soon as she broke the trap, he was on his feet. But (Y/N) who had reached for a nearby slab of concrete, hit him on the ear with all her might and rendered him unconscious with one blow.

Erik too was struggling being engaged with three men at once. He drove his knife through one's eyes and broke the neck of another. The last one however had him in his trap.

"Get ready to die." He snarled, pointing the gun to Killmonger's head.

Erik chuckled, coughing up blood.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Cuz Im gon be the last face you see before you die." Immediately the man's head burst like melon. Breathing heavily, Erik dropped to the floor. There was (Y/N) holding up her gun.

After thorough search, it was found that their target had escaped, probably in Afghanistan by now, Peshawar being close to the border. Most of his men were gunned down. Those who survived were round up for questioning promised that they'd die before they spill Khalid's whereabouts.

"Funny how you say that." Erik said in a low, menacing voice. "Until the pain starts of course. Then you start squirting like a bitch."

He uncovered a bloodied knife and approached the defying man, his movement hypnotic. Kneeling before him, he grabbed his jaw and pressed his knife to his cheek.

"You think your master really cares that you been keeping your lips sealed, taking all the shits for him? He's out there, drinking champagne, smiling." He dragged the knife to his ears; a crimson line bloomed in its trail. "Just like this."

"Erik-" (Y/N) cautioned as he sliced his other cheek. He ignored her.

"Go to hell." He spat. "We are serving our Lord. Allah will welcome me for dying such noble death."

"Noble death? You think your god gives a fuck how you die? Nah. They don't care about none. They don't care about the girls you rape or the fathers you slaughter. You are toys to him."

The blood curdling scream and sob of the tortured man rang around as Erik sliced his flesh. (Y/N) turned away, unable to watch the man writhe in pool of his own blood.

"Kill me!" He cried.

"Not before you tell us where's Khandil. I'm finna take this so slow that your body will drain out blood completely."

"Stevens-" Hewitt cautioned.

"Nah you gon talk." He pressed on his wounds, earning fervent curses from his prey.

"Bakhmala." He yelled at last.

"What?"

"Bakhmala." He repeated before passing out.

* * *

 

"What sort of Joker bullshit was that?" (Y/N) cried as soon as they were back at the base.

Erik and her hadn't been in the same room since the night he stormed out. Their refusal to acknowledge each other had augmented the incipient tension between them.

 "It got what you wanted, didn't it?" Erik's voice was cool, devoid of any remorse. His eyes were dead, as if no amount of horror may disconcert him. He was the perfect soldier willing do everything but had he no mind of his own? Did his conscience not scream at him all the time? True his methods got them what was needed but it still bugged her how utterly mechanical he was about taking lives.  

"There's it again." His voice startled her. "That la-di-da face."

"I'm not condemning you-"

"That so? Yo eyes tell different. You people are so quick to judge me but chu forget that your hands are bloody too."

The truth he spat out was acid to her skin but (Y/N) wasn't about to be guilt tripped into letting him off. "You went off like crazy. I'm just worried-"

"Well don't. Is the agency paying to pry in my shit? Just because I gave you my dick doesn't mean you got some right on me." He stomped off leaving her embarrassed in front of several of her subordinates.

"He's not used to it." One of them muttered.

"What?"

"Someone genuinely caring for him. Men like him, they run when they see raw sentiment."


	11. Chapter 11

For the next part of the mission, (Y/N) wasn't involved. US Armed Force sent pararescue to extract Khandil as helicopters couldn't get in through the defense of the soldiers guarding. They lost a man but the mission was successful.

Back in DC, having wrapped up the case, (Y/N) hit the club that her colleagues frequented. She meandered through the throng of crowd jumping like spastic to the electronic beats; she spied Erik seated in a corner among his hollering friends, hitting off with a voluptuous girl. Bile rose in her throat but she suppressed it and walked to the bar.

"Whiskey." She told the bartender. Next to her was a black man sitting on the stool, eyes fixed on his empty shot glass, ignoring the contaminating buzz around them.

"Sam Wilson?" The man who the question was intended for raised his head and met her eyes with his own lost and defeated ones.

"(Y/N) (Y/L/N). I'm with DIA."

"How you doing?" He said in an unenthusiastic voice. (Y/N) did not blame him, he probably wanted to be alone. He was one of the pararescue sent to Bakhmala; the man killed in action was supposedly his friend.

"Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Issa free place." He shrugged, moving his stool away a little. (Y/N) refrained from asking anymore question or even offering him her condolences. Her silence would be more welcome than her sympathy for something she hasn't experienced personally.

Amidst the bustle of nocturnal animals rose a distinct sound of squabble. (Y/N) turned and spotted a crowd forming around the very corner Erik had been sitting in. There he was- she saw him standing on her toes- arguing animatedly with a white dude. The dance floor had parted to form a barricade around them.

"What's going on?" Her neighbor asked.

"Dunno. Someone started a fight with one of ours."

"You got Killmonger working for you?" Wilson asked, disbelief laced in his tone.

"You know him?"

"Iraq. Different squadron though. Guy's got kill count like none."

_Is that what people know him for? His savagery?_

"It was my first tour. Riley's too." The name came out broken from his lips. (Y/N) waited for him to continue. "We didn't see eye to eye first but it worked out with time. Dude got muh back since day 1. Gotta have trust in these line. Couple of months later we were testing for Air National Guard. They got their hands on a new gear."

"EXO 7."

"The Falcon. Flew it over Lake Mead. Best fucking feeling ever. I couldn't stop shaking back in the ground but yeah, I wanted to do it again. Kind of roped Riley into it with me."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Wilson nodded and signaled for his glass to be filled.

"It's just I couldn't do nothing." He said, slamming down the empty glass. "One moment he's behind me, I can hear him in the comm, next he was spiraling down."

(Y/N) could see regret ripping him apart; the tremor of sorrow that quaked through him was palpable and she wished she had the power to take away his grief. So many weird things happening these day- man with iron suit that's a full arsenal, a man that turns giant green monster. Why don't they create something that would take away people's suffering instead of pushing them in its pit?

She heard him get up from his stool and asked the bartender for his receipt.

"Sure you wanna leave this early?" (Y/N) asked.

"Mm. I gotta see Darvany early morning. She's Riley's girl, I gotta help her with the arrangements before I leave."

"You are not coming back?"

"Nah. I'm quitting. Ain't nothing for me to go back for." He slipped on his jacket.

"What will you do then?"

"Haven't thought about it yet. Probably work at the Veteran's center. See if they got some-"

A loud crash interrupted them. The brewing brawl had turned into a violent riot- men involved were tearing at each other, cursing their lungs out. The man Erik had been arguing with was cornered to the wall was being pummeled mercilessly. With horror she watched Erik throw him down on the floor and kicked at him, two burly bouncers pulling him by his arms.

(Y/N) was on her feet immediately and ran to break them apart.

"Let him go!"

"Come out and play you bitch." Someone yelled. "Instead of cowering like a pussy."

"Yall calling me a pussy? After getting your ass handed to ya?" Erik shot back. "You bitch ass nigga!"

"For fuck's sake!" (Y/N) cried, trying to tear him away but he was man fueled by shit alcohol and shittier insults. Good luck reining an intoxicated elephant.

"Who calling me a bitch ass nigga?"

"You heard it. I ain't gon say it no more."

"Bitch ass nigga eh? Well your nigger mama does love this bitch ass white cock-"

"Whoa-" The crowd cheered as Erik launched a solid hook. The victim fell, spurting blood from his mouth.

"Imma fuck yo bitch, you motherfucking-"

(Y/N) looked around and snatched a heavy glass. With all her might, she threw it to the floor. Its crash sounded like gunshot and the effect was immediate. The crowd went down on their knees, looking wildly for the source.

"I said break it up!" (Y/N)'s shrill voice rang like church bell. The agitation that had ceased for a moment resumed but with dampened enthusiasm until someone called out 'Police'. The crowd started to disintegrate as siren blared outside. (Y/N) found herself being washed away by the rush of people hurried toward the exit. In the middle of mayhem, someone elbowed her in the rib- it was the recent wound she took from being pierced by shard of glass- it stung.

Once she was in safe distance, she let out a sigh. 

"Yo what’s your problem?" She heard a familiar voice.

"Why? Wanted to spend the night in jail?" (Y/N) snapped as Erik jogged towards her.

"You can't jus leave me alone."

"I didn’t do it for you nigga. You was gonna kill that man."

"That man been talkin shit 'bout us since he walked in. Calling us 'nigger' and shit."

"So you go ahead and beat him up? So many of you against him?"

"Ay go on. Defend that white pig. It's cuz of you people, we still suffering."

"'You people?' There's you and us now?" (Y/N) snorted. Immediately she felt a jab in her rib. It appeared the wound had reopened. She sank down to the ground, clutching her breast.

"Hey? You okay?"

"Don't act like you give a fuck now." (Y/N) spat vehemently. Slowly she tried to get up but it was futile; she lay on the ground, face contorted with pain. Searing sting pulsated around the wound, intensifying with her labored breath. Erik knelt next to her and started to stroke her arm.

"C'm on." He whispered, tugging at her sleeve. "We gotta get that checked."

"Nah. I'm fine by my own."

"You are bleeding."

"Yeah I noticed. Just leave. I don't need yo help."

Erik wouldn't take no for answer and after being nagged, (Y/N) gave in. Her body was in no state to fight.

"You know." She said when they sat in the emergency chamber. "When a girl says she don't need your help, it doesn't mean she don't need it. It means she is scared to ask for it cuz you might ask something else in return."

"You thought I wanted something?"

"Don't you? You felt guilty and you wanted to get rid of that feeling. That's why you brought me here."

Erik turned away. "You know nothing 'bout me."

"Not as much as I'd like to." (Y/N) confessed.

After examination, she was notified she'd need more stitches to patch up the wound. They put her on sedative to numb the pain which put her to sleep. When she woke up, Erik was still there.

"I thought you'd be gone." She raised herself on her elbows.

"You thought wrong."

"Can't blame me. I've had too many people walk out on me."

Erik bit his lips. "There are things I can't tell you."

"I'm sure there is. But you left me."

"I know."

"Yeah?" Her mocking tone lacked her usual snarky edge. It was more disappointment than anger.

"Yeah I fucked up but I ain't gon do that again." He reached out and brushed his thumb on her lips. It prompted memories to resurface, ones that she had tried to bury.

"You won't get to. I'm with Roy."

"That white dude you been fucking?"

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. "He's nice."

"Mm? He make you feel like this?" He dragged his thumb down her neck; his touch caused goose bumps to rise.

"You can't buy me back with that."

"Can't I?"

Erik leaned and pressed his lips to her. (Y/N) knew she shouldn't but she kissed back almost immediately. They kissed hungrily, starved from separation. It was as though they were exchanging each other through the kiss, giving a part of them to each other. Erik nibbled and sucked on her lips extracting short, breathy moan from her; his hands started to wander downwards, exploring under her hospital robe. 

(Y/N) winced as he touched the wound.

"Sorry." He mumbled, getting off her. (Y/N) giggled and to her surprise, Erik did too. It sounded like rippling of a brook deep inside forest.

"I never thanked you." He said when they were alone. "For saving my life. Back in Peshawar."

"It's what we do."

"Yeah but I never said it so thanks for saving my ass."

(Y/N) smiled.

"What?" Erik raised his eyebrows.

"It's just- you look so-" Sincere, happy. "Why don't we talk E? We used to talk before we started fucking.” She sat up, wincing as the pain radiated. “I'm not asking about what you do, Erik. I just wanted to know what made you  _you;_ I want to see you for all you are, not Killmonger. I just wanted you to be real with me.""

"(Y/N)- I told you why I can't."

"Why not?"

"Cuz it’s how it is. But I could. If you come with me."

"Where?"

"Wherever I need you. I could tell you 'bout everything.”

 "And do what you do?" 

“Not if you want to. You could give this up- I could take care of both of us. It'd be us against the world."

“I don’t know Erik-“

“Come with me to Oakland.”

“Your home?” (Y/N) looked up, surprised.

“Yeah. It’d give an idea of it and then you can decide, if you wanna do this.”

“When?”

“I’ve got a job lined up for me in Paris so before that. You could come with me for that too. See for yourself.”

(Y/N) contemplated for a second. He was laying it on the table for her- the Pandora’s box. Did she feel the thousand strings holding her back too?

 “Okay.” (Y/N) heard herself say.

“Aight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just curious- what do you think about my smut writing skills? Should I be more descriptive?


	12. Chapter 12

Oakland was just like she'd imagined – the same bleak place with worn side walk and graffitied walls, new taller buildings taking up already crowded space in the grid of urban monuments. The city was forever moving: cars, bus, pedestrians, all going about their business.

They pulled up outside a grocery store in a grim neighborhood. Erik got out first and (Y/N) followed him out, taking in her surroundings. The streets were lined with dirty pavements upon which the homeless slept. This was real America. Erik guided her to a massive housing complex that rose behind a basketball court that lay bare in the scorching heat. The building, though large as it maybe, was shabby and derelict. Warning- the notice read in red ink. Adjacent to it were two other building, one on each side. The sound of baby crying and Drake's newest hits carried to them by the dry air.

The foyer and the stairwell were both deserted; there were cobwebs and the paint was coming off, testimony to the owner's neglect. The lift was out of sort so they took the stairs. On the fourth landing, Erik led them into a corridor. All doors were locked from the outside. Erik stopped in front of the one closest to the stairs. He dug his hand in his pocket and produced a rusty key. With a screech, the lock clicked open and (Y/N) stepped inside a stuffy but comfortable, homely common room.

The windows were locked, overlooking the neighborhood. A thin layer of dust coated the furniture- they seemed to have been cleaned some months ago. There was a book rack and two tapestries hung on the wall.

"This was where you grew up." (Y/N) said, her voice soft and full of wonder. It filled her with a sense of yearning, some nostalgia. Everywhere around her were tokens of time long gone. She stepped back, hitting the firm chest of Erik who had been watching her like a hawk since he closed the door. He felt itchy, uncertain whether he made a mistake bringing (Y/N) here. It was not only risky to his plan but also made him vulnerable.

(Y/N) looked up with those glossy, curious eyes of her. A smile stretched her lips, just a bit, warm and gentle. Erik looked away quickly.

"My room's through there." He pointed to his left- a narrow corridor ended in a locked door. (Y/N) grabbed it's corroded handle; it opened a bit to give a glimpse of the bed that peeked behind it.

There wasn't anything that characterized the room as a child's. This seemed to be the most neglected part of the apartment- the sheets were brown with dirt. Nothing on the shelves but there was a deflated orange ball under the bed. Judging there wasn't much to see, she came back to the living room where Erik was flicking through pages of something- the journal over the chest of drawers.

He had noticed her creeping up behind him and said, "Wakandan. The language- it's Wakandan."

He closed the journal and locked it inside the drawer. (Y/N) followed him to the couch. It made a squeaking noise as they sank down on it.

"I left this place over twenty years ago." He began to say. "When I returned, someone else was living here. My dad was supposed to leave this apartment to me but the police had it sealed then. I had no lawyer so it was sold off. I got it back last year but its of no use. They are tearing down this building."

(Y/N) listened in complete silence. There so many questions nagging her inquisitive brain but the best way was to accompany him as strolled back in times. (Y/N) had kept distance should her presence made him hold back.

"My pops was from Wakanda." Erik started saying on his own, his voice dropped to mere whisper. "He came over to America and met my mum. They fell in love and had me. We used to move a lot- I hated it. And then we settled here and I had a home. I got all these kids coming round from the block, asking my name or if I wanted to shoot ball with 'em. Mah dad wasn't there most days but when he was, he used to watch me from that window." He glanced at his reflection in the window pane for a moment and then, returned his gaze to his interlocked fingers; the memories always stung him like thousand needles.

"Do you know why he died?" He looked her dead in the eye. "Cuz he wanted free people like us. People like mah mum who went to jail cuz her white employer called her a 'thief'. All our brothers who get beaten up cuz they called 'em out or just for being themselves. He wanted to make it even. He was gon give these oppressors what they deserve and his own people killed him for it. I found ma daddy right there-" He pointed at the middle of the floor. "Drowning in his own blood. He died because he wanted to change the world."

He stopped with a gasp; there were tears shining in the corner of his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Erik." (Y/N) said, her own voice trembling. Erik rubbed his nose to thwart the burst of sentiment.

"But it's all planned now. Imma do what my pops couldn't complete. C'm on." He said, getting up.

Their descent was quiet, the sole sound of their shoes echoed in the empty hallway. Perhaps to break it, Erik said, "Aminah used to live there." He pointed at a battered door on the floor below the one they had been in; the window next to it was broken.

"She was kind of this neighborhood aunt of the hood. She took me in after it happened. Until the social services came of course. She wouldn't let them in so they broke down her door."

"What happened to her?" (Y/N) asked as tenderly as she could. She noticed his jaw go rigid, his hands had balled into fists, clenching and unclenching as he recalled those days.

"Dunno. When I came back from the navy she wasn't leaving here. Delmar he got arrested a few years before- Aminah had taken him too off the streets, raised him by her own. He died in lock-up. By the time I tracked her down, she was dying. She got TB- didn't have money to continue treatment. She died two days after I was dispatched again."

They walk down the neighborhood in silence. Erik wasn't angry. He was off to that place (Y/N) knew she'd never be allowed to visit with him. It made the space between them wider.

"When you said you wanted to change the world," She peered up at him, hoping it wasn't the wrong time to bring it up. "Would it be like some kind of revolution?"

"Aye." He confirmed.

"How you gon do that?"

"You gotta get in touch with the right people, tell 'em what you wanna do. We gather resources then- a revolution needs a lot of firepower. I got it all sorted out."

"So it's gonna be violent?"

"Course it is." He snapped irritably. (Y/N) winced.

"So what you think?" He asked, sweetening his voice a little bit.

"I don't know..." She trailed off. She never thought she'd ever be involved in something like this- a decision that affected not just her, but all those around her, even the world. It was a noble cause, true, one that she held close to her heart but standing at the door of it all, realizing this was real, suddenly she was sure of nothing.

"I think...I think I shouldn't play a part in this." She said at last. "I believe in what you wanna do but it's not the way. But I won't stop you either. You do this your way and I do it in mine."

"Okay." He said easily. (Y/N) was surprised; she was expecting him to patronize her.

"Okay." She echoed. "But I'll take up your offer to go to Paris."

She raised herself on her toe to kiss him on his lips.

* * *

 

The train from Paris Gare de Lyon departed at exactly 12:45 pm.

(Y/N) sat by the window, enjoying the soft rays of sun peeking through the clouds and spicy air of the city as they crossed through it. She wore a nude colored pastel dress that ended mid thigh, showing off her firm thighs, paired with gladiator sandals. Often she'd poke at Erik who had been sitting opposite to her playfully with her toes. They had opted to leave Paris by train since the job Erik was involved in attracted lot of attention. They intended to sneak out of the country without thorough check up so train was the best.

They hadn’t been this close to each other in a while. In Paris, though they stayed in same room, Erik was mostly gone. When he wasn’t, he was working on his laptop or on phone with his handler. From time to time, he’d watch her as she dressed herself, or when she had her towel around her naked body, watching TV idly. He never touched her though.  (Y/N) had tried to contain her impatience; she wanted to feel his attention again, feel his hands explore all of her. But she mustn’t let herself be carried away by her thirst for feeling special- there was still so much that needed to be figured out.

Erik’s offer to tell her all came with terms- that she’d have to give up all she had known and uproot her life for him. She wasn’t ready for that, hell, she doesn’t even want that. Would if it came without change but with Killmonger it was all or none. That was the point of accompanying him to this trip- she’d see if she could be okay with only one side of him. But in that way, she feared, she’d never be anymore than an instrument to him.

"You want something to eat?"

 (Y/N) looked up, startled.  "No."

"Aight." Erik said. Then on second thought, he observed her carefully. "Hey. Wassup?"

"Nothing." (Y/N) replied, perhaps too fast to be believed. 

"You been actin all salty for past couple of days."

(Y/N) snorted. So he did notice. "It's nothing. You don't need to trip over it."

"Yo." Erik grabbed her arms but it wasn't aggressive, rather gentle like his voice was. "Don't give me that shit. What's up withchu?"

"Why not E? It's that way for you. Shouldn't it be the same for me?"

Erik let go off her arm and both of them fell into a tense silence. 

"I told you I can't say that sort of shit." He said eventually.

“I know. It’s just…” She shook her head. “-why haven’t you touched me yet? What’s changed?” _Didn’t he want to do this anymore?_

“I was just giving you space.”

(Y/N) gawked, taken aback by his confession. She was never aware that Erik understood the importance of ‘space’.

“Thought you wanted to straighten it out with that white nigga.” That ‘white nigga’ being Roy. (Y/N) had told him she going away on a job.

“You still haven’t told him, didja?”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do with him.” (Y/N) confessed.

“I’m cool with whatever you do with him. Just lemme know when you ready for my dick.”

(Y/N) chortled; she still wasn’t over how blatantly vulgar Erik was.

The moment he laid his hand on her thigh however, the cubicle door slid open and an elderly man entered. Out of all the cubicles in the coach, he chose theirs to invade. Erik grew sullen ready to shoo him away but (Y/N) moved to give the man his seat, suppressing a giggle.

The old man soon launched into a lecture on battle of Marne (he was a history professor at University of Bordeaux going to see his sick niece). (Y/N) watched with amusement as the professor tried to school him on Allies constituent; he looked straight ahead, knuckles pale from gripping the seat too tight.

Finally the man excused himself to use restroom.

In a matter of second, she was being dragged from her seat and shoved against the door which Erik locked.

"Damn. Thought he'd never leave." Pinning her hands above her head, Erik sought out her lips and attacked hungrily. With one hand he secured her while the other he used to claw at the collar of her dress.

"Get. This. Shit. Off." He punctuated every word with bruising kisses. It was always the same with Erik- he took no permission, appeared and disappeared as he pleased, but no complain stood its ground the moment his tongue was down her throat. The only thing that mattered was him, him and him only. "God I fucking missed this."

Her parched clit responded enthusiastically to his touch, quivering with every press of his fingers. The strings of thought that had clotted her mind dissolved like liquorice in mouth and with a keen cry of pleasure, (Y/N) rocked her hips, fucking his fingers.

"This is the tightest shit!" Erik cried amid breathy moans that elicited in equal amount from the participants. (Y/N) thrashed in his hold, bursting to touch him from the feeling of his dick twitching against her thighs.

"You ain't miss me baby girl?"

His voice unleashed her inner thot, crying out shamelessly, "Yes daddy!"

"Yeah? Show me how much."

(Y/N) quickly detached herself from his fingers and dropped to her knees, mouth level with his bulge. She did this rarely, and to Erik, never. With trembling hands, she undid his belt and pulled down the zipper. Inside, his underwear was soaked, evidence of his arousal. Abruptly, (Y/N) pulled back.

"You scared of my dick or something?" Erik asked.

"Shut up." She snapped hiding her nervousness. With renewed zest she palmed his erection, relishing the barely suppressed groans from his lips. His fluid smeared her fingers through the fabric and (Y/N) decided that was enough for teasing. Pulling down the waistband, she brought him out. Erik was leaking profusely, pre-cum coating his length. The touch of her hand sent spark through him, and Erik, uninhibited for once, grabbed her by her hair and moaned.

"C'm on." He whined. "Be a good bitch and lemme fuck ya mouth."

"Careful nigga. Rush me again and imma bite yo dick off." She threatened. Grabbing the base, she licked a long stripe from his base to the tip, thumbing his slit.

"Fuck." He hissed. It was all encouragement she needed. Gingerly, she took him in her mouth- he wasn't very big but possessed a decent girth. Her mouth was full of saliva, his fluid and his cock, fucking in and out of her.

(Y/N) tried to keep up with his face- swirling her tongue and hollowing her cheeks. Her jaw began to hurt but Erik was relentless.

"Look at me while I fuck yo mouth." He commanded, grabbing her hair. His eyes were dark, swirling with energy of the witch's cauldron, hypnotizing her in an unbreakable trance.

"Fuck baby! Nngh...you taking my cock so good. Just like that baby." He cooed. "God you are made for this."

If it were anyone else demeaning her, (Y/N) would have castrated him but with Erik she felt like a devotee serving her god.

"Shit baby. I'm gon come." She felt him tense and took him out of her mouth.

Erik hissed and began to fondle himself; (Y/N) joined him to bring him over the edge. He came soon, spraying her breast with his come. A few drops landed on her lips which she experimentally tasted- it wasn't that bad but it was hard to tell from so little.

"God...Fuck." He quaked as his orgasm took over. "I..Nngh- I love-"

(Y/N) paused like she did before, air leaving her lungs. He can't be-

"I love yo mouth." Erik finished and sagged. A wave of disappointment flooded her senses. It ripped through the momentary high of hopes but hurt as much as any insult would. Erik was oblivious as usual, leaning in to kiss her. He quickly hoisted her up with his arms and breached her.

"Nngh-" (Y/N) exhaled, feeling the heat of him inside her. Somewhere in the background, she heard someone banging on their door followed by shouts from two people, urging them to open the door.

"Erik-" She whined, feeling daring yet shameful at once. They were in public for god's sake; it'd give that old man a heart attack. "Erik!"

"Not till I get my nut." He said firmly. They came within seconds of each other, mixed in sweat, saliva and cum. As the pounding continued, they came down from the high and cleaned after themselves.

(Y/N) wouldn't deny she whooped with joy when Erik winked at the professor, who immediately changed coach.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

The boat cut through the silk fabric of water, emitting a mechanical hum vibrated through their body. (Y/N)'s vision was blurred by the spray of water that dotted her sunglass; she kept her legs braced and a hand gripping the railing. Next to her, Erik sat, totally unfazed by the strong gust of wind that made (Y/N) feel like she might fall of the boat any moment.

They were in Venice where the water flowed through the islands like veins. After three changes of trains and a speedboat later, Erik had felt safe to drop his guard. He didn't care much more vacation, having always kept himself immersed in his goal but (Y/N) was very insistent.

"I had never been on a vacation like this." She had told him with that hopeful, excited voice of hers. Always dreaming before it was even assured. "Not even to other states. My parents never got much time to relax. When they did, it always ended in shouting match and something breaking."

At least, she had her parents, Erik thought to himself, a hollow feeling bubbling in his chest. He didn't say so- her smile was too precious.

"But I get it they- they did the best they could. I just thought I'll die before I get to see all these things. It's been always my greatest fear."

Erik couldn't deny her anymore. That girl had gotten under his skin like no one had.

As the boat docked, Erik climbed up first and offered his hand to (Y/N) who was struggling with the long skirt she had mistakenly selected to wear; the boat had left trails of white froth behind that dissolved in the waves.

They walk around the city taking in the picturesque- an exotic array of buildings both modern and antique, displaying lavish articles of luxury- the past and present living in perfect synchronization. Fashionable ladies peered at window display, coveting small items of extraordinary price. The shopping streets of Venice were lined with renowned brands- Gucci, Prada, Armani... (Y/N) was dazed by the colors; her companion however was not. He trailed her like a miserable yet obedient servant, grumbling something about "white bitch nonsense".

They stopped in a boutique that showcased handmade leather shoes.

"How much are these?" (Y/N) picked up a pair of suede boots.

"Excellent choice, madam. These are custom made with genuine leather- lamb, I believe. Very durable, and can be worn for any occasion. I'm sure your husband would agree." She winked at Erik whose lips remained a thin line.

"We are not married." (Y/N) clarified.

"Ah." The attendant said joyfully. She hadn't taken her eyes off Erik since they had walked into the store. "My mistake. Venice is a popular destination for newly-weds and he is a very handsome man. I'd see no reason not to make it official." She said flirtatiously, tucking her golden hair behind her ear.

"Getting back to these-" (Y/N) interrupted. "How much are these?"

"1,190 in American dollar." She replied promptly.

(Y/N) almost dropped the shoe. One fucking grand...

"Ask your boyfriend what he thinks of it."

(Y/N) turned toward Erik, purely to be entertained by the way he'd react. Erik took one look and sniggered.

"It's a very popular wear these days," The attendant explained, taken aback by Erik's reaction.

"Aye flaying living beings been popular with white niggas."

The girl jumped. "We do not torture animals-"

"Yeah? What you think yo ancestors asked 'em nicely before they skinned them cattle or asked a black nigga if he'd like to be a slave?"

"All right nigga you need to chill-" (Y/N) dragged away Erik by his arm. To the shocked attendant, she told, "He's very passionate about Black movement."

"I'd tell yo off but that was damn funny." (Y/N) remarked when they entered a quiet restaurant surrounded by garden. It was comparatively inexpensive. "But really though, if you gonna say 'white nigga' one more time, I swear imma flip."

Erik nodded not before grumbling, "Yeah forgot how much you love white cock."

They lunch on lobsters and shrimps. She watched the Erik licked his fingers, cleaning of the last of the gravy. Despite his complaint, he seemed oddly sated.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just-" She looked away from his face to the clear blue horizon."Don't you ever want to stop?"

"Stop?"

"Yeah. Break this goddamn cycle of killing, scrutinizing and even more killing. Just live a life when you won't have to lie to people you care about, friends, family or worry if you're gonna get your skull blown tomorrow. All these people, for whom we are apparently doing this shit, they do this every day. They get that life, they get breakfast in bed, got to sleep at ten, watch reality shows and what the fuck not while I have to find ways to get the stench of blood off me.

"I'm just so tired. Aren't you? I mean I know it'd be thrilling as herding sheep but isn't peace why we do this?"

"I can't." Erik's voice was bitter, maybe a bit broken too.

"Neither can I. But it doesn't stop me from dreaming."

"I don't dream like you."

A hollow laugh escaped her throat. "That's the saddest thing I ever heard."

Her words hit him like bullet, breaking the glass of his determination and for once, exposing the reality for him. He hadn't been happy, not for a long time. Not since his- no, he wasn't going to let this blunt the years of resolve, the work he had done to be where he was now. But it was the truth- he had no dream, maybe just one- a sunset over the mountains- it was the most beautiful thing, his father had told him.

"It ain't crazy to dream or believe." He said at length.

"I thought you didn't have any." (Y/N) remarked.

"Not like you."

"Mm. I suppose I'm not a part of that." Why was she even bringing it up knowing full well he'd never take her as she was? But there was a tiny, tragically hopeful part of her that wanted him to contradict her. He didn't. "You know, I worry about you."

Typical of him, Erik went rigid. For a man who could tear out guts with bare hands, he was strangely spooked by any affection or regard. To put his mind in ease, she continued.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I care about you, Erik. We been fucking around for a year Erik. Unlike you, I'm susceptible to form attachment. Don't go trippin, it's not in that way. You sneer or do whatever the fuck you want but it won't change the fact that I care and that means I worry every single day you are off to mission. It's what friends or in this case, fuckbuddies do."

Her words were received with tense silence. "It's cool that you don't reciprocate. I just needed you to know that there is someone who prays you get back safely, in case you turn into a frost giant or whatever."

"Erik?" She prompted. "C'm on. Say something."

"So you ain't in love with me?" He asked after sometime.

"No." Imari replied quickly.

"Oh." Was it sadness in his tone or relief? She waited for him to respond. Silence was heavy upon them; she wished he'd react in any way.

"I do, you know." He said eventually. "Care about you."

It took some time for his words to sink in. She had not expected any hint of sentiment from his side, let alone a direct confession.

"Not in that way." He mimicked her. "But yeah, I worry about you too. Especially with that bitch-ass white boy you won't drop."

"You jealous?" (Y/N) asked playfully.

"Nah. I just wanna whoop his ass every time he touches my shit."

"I'm yo shit?"

"You get it."

(Y/N) smacked her lips, feeling lighter than before. "Does that make you my shit too?"

Erik groaned and (Y/N) continued. "Cuz you may wanna know I get a bit jealous over you too when you come smelling like other hoes."

She hadn't taken into consideration how close they were- Erik was basically plastered to her side, his warm breath ghosting her ear. The air became heavy with the lust they radiated, warming the cold night.

"Whatchu gon do 'bout it?" He whispered, setting off the tingling sensation in her nerve ends. He rested his palm over her thigh, climbing upwards as he nibbled on her year.

"Not here." (Y/N) hissed, dragging out his hand from her blouse. "People can see."

"Let them." He whispered into her ear. (Y/N) giggled. Suddenly she felt a connection she had never felt before, in a way not even sex could.

"You are so full of rage Erik Stevens." She cupped his face. "Let go."

 


	14. Chapter 14

(Y/N) will confess she felt extremely out of place in the chic store.

"Do you think I've got the bank balance for this?" She whispered at Erik who was punching the keyboard of his phone.

"You the one who dragged me to this when I said I wasn't down for it."

The attendants were not as accomodating as the ones they have encountered before. They took one look at her attire and turned their noses; Erik's appearance further cemented their prejudice.

"How's this?" (Y/N) asked after coming out of the changing room after sixth time. "Erik? Nigga you deaf or something?"

The attendant who was adjusting the tight bodycon interjected, "If I may, I think this is a size too small for you, maybe even two."

"That's because she got some ass unlike you yall cardboard boxes." Erik cut her off. "Don't mind them ma you look damn good."

"That's good cuz I was already worried 'bout this being too short. Thank god my period's late or else I’d have pads sticking out. It's not cuz I'm pregnant." She assured Erik who looked slightly startled. "Even if I was, I'm getting an abortion. Can you imagine me with a kid? We'd burn down the whole house."

"Kay. I gotta check on something so here's my card. That should take care of everything." He looked at the attendant in the eye who immediately set off to fawn over (Y/N). Erik pocketed his wallet and left, but not before slapping her ass.

“Don’t do that.” (Y/N) chastised.

“Why not? You seem to like it when you are riding mah di-“

“O my god just go.”

 

(Y/N) walked into the hotel  bar feeling as much self conscious as she was the day she transferred to a new high school. Despite everyone being engaged in their own little world, (Y/N) worried all eyes were on her and not in an appreciative way. She was having second thoughts about the dress. It was a green sequined piece with a plunging neckline, hugging her body in all the right places. It hadn't escaped her notice how Erik liked his girls bold and sultry; she needed make an effort. Even though she’d never admit it aloud, she reveled in his praise; hearing how good she was to him was her guilty pleasure. She thought she’d looked terrific in the changing room but without a girlfriend to tell her every minute, she felt her confidence draining away.

She spied Erik in the middle of the bar chilling with a drink in his hand, engaged in a very animated conversation with a light-skinned lady with massive curls who had her hand on his arm, whispering something into his ear. (Y/N) strutted across the floor, insecurities be damned.

“What’s poppin’?” She said, wedging herself between the two of them. Startled, the girl took a step but didn’t take her hand off Erik’s arm.

“She the girl you been telling me ‘bout?” She asked Erik, looking past (Y/N).

Erik smirked, sipping from his glass.

(Y/N) decided she didn’t like their connection. Then the girl made the mistake of trying to reach out to her. It probably was an innocent gesture of introduction but (Y/N) caught her wrist halfway and twisted. “Get out before I dislodge you arm.”

The girl broke free of her grip quite easily; no doubt she had been trained in combat.

“You weren’t kidding.” She said to Erik who made a ‘told you so’ face.

“Well imma be outta here. And don’t trip ‘bout it ‘kay? I got this.” She picked up her clutch and skedaddled.

 “See you ‘round Linda.” Erik said to her back, showing not a shade of regret.

(Y/N) turned to Erik sternly. “Care to explain that?”

“Just a random bitch.” He answered casually.

“Is that you been doing in the name of ‘something to take care of’? Whoring around?”

“Didn’t know you’d have a problem with that. Especially since you got a nigga by the side.”

“Yeah but you don’t see me rubbing it in yo face. You can fuck around all you want Killmonger but keep yo hoes out of my sight. I don’t appreciate being made a fool of.”

“Aight chill. Why you giving me that attitude?” He downed his drink in one draught and rummaged for something inside his jacket. For a crazy moment (Y/N) thought it was a gun but it was a box he extracted, velvet covered and rectangular. “Aye check this out.”

“What’s this? Jeweled dagger?”

“Neat idea but-“ He opened the case. The multicolored lights above flickered on the dream catcher like design hanging from a band of gold.

“Is that a choker?”

Erik took out of the box and held it between his fingers, the gold chain dangled in the air gracefully and the diamond encrusted in the centre of the dream catcher threw off random rays of light as he twirled it.

“I saw you gawking at that Bulgari store. I know it ain’t all of that high flying shit but still dope, ain’t it?”

“That’s for me?” (Y/N) croaked, touching the chain to make sure it was real.

“Word.”

It was gold no doubt- it had the polish and balance of it. “Damn this is worth more than my goddamn life.”

“First of all yo pussy is that tightest shit so never put a price on yo’self.”

“Please tell me you didn’t take it off some poor dead lady you gunned down.”

“Cartier.” Erik said indignantly. “C’m on lemme put it round yo neck.”

(Y/N) turned obediently. The fastening was just right- neither too restrictive nor too loose; the dream catcher dangled just above the crook between her collar bones. She examined the surface with tip of the fibger, feeling the designs rise like Erik’s scars. Suddenly she was feeling very confident.

“Damn mama I can’t wait to see you sweating above me wearing only that.” Erik murmured, lust radiating off his body.

 “You gotta hold on to that thought nigga cuz mah song just came on.”

She pulled him through the crowd that occupied the dance floor. Your love by Nicole Scherzinger was playing- those lyrics really did something to her body. She began awkwardly, keeping to grinding and simple shimmying but then the rhythm of the song caught up with her. An entirely different energy was buzzing through her- she felt sexy, she felt in control. For the first time she was on the steering wheel and Erik was accompanying her, this was going her way, not his. The touch between them was not groping but sensual, a prelude yet an independent act. Erik’s breath was heavy on her neck and she loved the way his hands roamed all over her body- from the feather touches of the thigh to cupping her breasts.

 “Let’s go.” She said into his ear.

As Erik busied himself into locking the door of their spacious hotel room, (Y/N) sauntered towards the bathroom leaving a trail of her dress and her stilettos, breadcrumbs to lead him to the main event.

She washed her face first and then turned to the mirror to inspect the marks Erik left on her skin. She still had the choker on- the water might diminish its glaze but it was worth it. She moved her fingers over the hickies. Feeling them once again brought the memories of all the times they fucked, phantom hand started to roam all over her. Her breathing quickened and before long she started to feel aroused. Damn this man.

Pushing away the thoughts she hopped inside the shower. The water was warm and started to wash away her fatigue. Eventually, she caught Erik in the mirror; he was naked save for his boxer.

Having found the bathroom door open, he had walked in on the beautiful sight of (Y/N) in all her naked glory as water cascaded down her skin. There was shy smile on her face, the kind that made him feel like it was his first time. Leisurely he flicked on the steam shower and closed the cubicle.

“Don’t stop on my account.” Erik’s voice was low and husky. It instantly made her go weak in the knees and her heart caught in her throat. She fumbled with the body wash, glancing at him nervously. Erik did not budge. He leaned against the wall and licked his lips, motioning her to carry on.

The interior was soon clouded with steam but (Y/N) couldn’t shake off the hesitation. As she formed lather, the lemony smell of the body wash filled the cubicle. She began by rubbing her arms and her necks, slower and sensual than usual. She heard him suck his breath as she caressed her breast.

Emboldened by his reaction, she started to explore rest of her skin. The only sound that was heard was the trickle of water and their heavy breathing. After a while, she felt ridiculous and started to giggle.

“You gonna stand there doing nothing?” She bit her lips, taunting him. It produced the desire effect- Erik removed himself from the wall and sauntered to her. Kicking off his underwear, he accepted the loofah.

“Turn around.”

(Y/N) did; electric at once sparked when their skin came in contact as she leant back. Erik began with her belly, scrubbing in a slow, steady pace while with one hand he squeezed her breast. (Y/N) gave out a heavy sigh, growing pliant in his touch. His hard on was pressing between her cheeks, begging for attention. (Y/N) ground her hips back. A shower of breathy moan fell from Erik’s lips.

“Fuck.” He gasped. Pushing her to the wall, he began to rut against her. The tiles of the bathroom felt cold under her palm but it was compensated by the warmth of Erik. His buried his head in the crook of her neck and began to nibble.

(Y/N) struggled and whined under his ceaseless caress. She threw her head back and rubbed her aching breast. Dragging the loofah down her body, Erik sank to his knees and began to scrub her thighs and calf muscles. After finishing with her back, he made her turn around.

He looked enticing on his knees- eyes blown wide with lust, full lips parted. (Y/N) turned on the shower. The warm spray of water cleaned away the lather. Erik rubbed her thighs and peppered her skin with warm kisses. (Y/N) moaned and pulled him upwards.

They wasted no time in diving at each other. He picked her up in midair and (Y/N) wrapped her legs around him. It was risky position but she trusted Erik’s though grip. Grabbing her ass while she clung to him, he pushed inside her. She panted as she felt the delicious burn of herself stretching around him.

Her breath, his breath and the steam became one. Erik set a grueling pace, fucking her with such intensity the like of which she had never experienced. Taking the advantage of being face to face, they started to kiss fervently. (Y/N) sucked on his lips, his saliva and the water mixing with her. It was raw, intimate and passionate.

With every thrust she elicited moans of pleasure. Her nails were digging into his bag; let it hurt. He was as much hers as she was his. If Erik can leave his mark, so can she.

“Fuck baby. You tight as shit.” Erik groaned, increasing his pace. “You want me to wreck your pussy?”

“Yes daddy.” (Y/N) responded. “Please. Oh.”

And wreck he did. Later he dried themselves and carried her limp body back to her bed. She had lost all her shame by then and spread her legs for him once again.

“You don’t want dinner?” Erik chuckled.

“I _am_ having dinner.” She replied cheekily. Erik gave out a bark of laughter, a genuine one and climbed aboard. Just then his phone started to ring on the bed side table. Being closer, (Y/N) grabbed the phone.

“Bonnie? She one of your hoes?”

“Does it matter?” Erik asked.

“Not if you lemme ride you.” She picked herself and straddled him, tossing away the phone. “You are mine Erik Stevens. Mine and mine only while you are here.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. This chapter took some time to be perfected. Hope you enjoy.

**Present Day:**

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by (Y/N)'s phone ringing. ‘Jim’ it read.

"Would you excuse me for a minute? I need to take this call."

"Of course." T'challa replied, leaning back on the couch, composed as always. (Y/N) rose and made her way to the kitchen while holding her cell to her ear.

"Hey." The king heard her say amid the clinks of utensils.

"No no no don't get that- it's too spicy. Mm. Yeah that will do. Listen, I got some guests over here so can you take Nubia to your place? I'll be over later. Yeah? Nah I got it. Thanks. Yeah bye."

She reappeared with a tray of smoothie and set it down on the tea-table. Before he could protest, (Y/N) brushed it off. "I'm sorry. You have been here for long time and it’s rude not provide your guests with refreshments" She didn't miss how the woman to his right glanced at her King. "Don't worry, its just banana, milk and some dry fruits."

They each took a glass, T'challa going first and his soldiers followed suit, relaxing for the first time. As they sipped the creamy liquid, the conversation resumed.

"For the first time, I felt that there could be something for us. Maybe a partnership or something? That there's a happy ending. I guess I had been dreaming so much I forgot to pull the break when all of these came crashing down on me."

"What led to that?"

(Y/N) set down her glass, her mouth pressing into thin line as she recalled the period. "SHIELD fell in 2014 when Natasha Romanoff dumped all of its content in the net and as you know, it exposed much of what our agencies do. The senate launched investigations in several of our divisions. Some went underground to wait out the storm but others, myself included, were charged by the Special Investigation team. Erik too had to lay low but his name never came up in investigations-" She paused, feeling a bit uneasy at T'challa's attempt to separate the raisins from the smoothie.

Hastily she offered him to make a glass without raisins. "Do you have an allergy to them or-"

"No no. Just biased against it, that is all but please, do continue."

“Then Klaue happened. He’s an arms dealer, also weapon for hire. There's been report of him smuggling off vibranium from Wakanda, I'm sure you'd know"

"Yes. We did have fair share of run in with him." T'challa replied.

"Klaue first came up on SHIELD's radar in the Bilderberg Conference in Netherlands. He had been hired to assassinate your father, King T'chaka. He was unsuccessful but he made it SHIELD's list of potential threats.

"Erik was planted as our man in Klaue's circle- I was a bit surprised when he took the assignment; I didn’t think he’d something so bland but he had been supplying info steadily from inside I oversaw Klaue’s investigation before everything with SHIELD happen. The case was given to someone else but I still heard about it from time to time.

“When I think about, this is the best of my inability to see through him. I should have known…”

* * *

 

**1 year, 6 months ago:**

"They are charging me for apparently sabotaging the treaty." (Y/N) said as she took off her blazer and dropped to the sofa. Erik occupying the settee opposite her just grunted; his attention was completely arrested by the open tabs in front of him.

(Y/N) bit the inside of her cheek to suppress an irritated growl. She had a rough week consisting of being interrogated for several times. It was like walking on mine field- every question they asked were heavy with implications that hinted their will to convict her and she had to answer them very carefully so as not to give them a reason to lock her up. When not in interrogation room, she was typing out several show-cause later which was absolutely impossible without her superiors to  corroborate as the department was in complete mess. 

So coming back to the familiarity of her nest and being met with Erik's nonchalance irked her beyond measure. She knew Erik was emotionally unavailable and to hope for his support was to wait for hell to freeze over. Leaving him to his own devices, she proceeded to take a shower. The cool water did more to wash away her fatigue than Erik did. When she emerged, fresh and wet, Erik was still on his computer, his fingers playing on the keyboard at storm's speed.

 She made herself some oatmeal and sat down in front of him with legs crossed on the sofa, still wearing bathrobe. She had gotten used to being naked around Erik. Lately however he seemed to be more affected by his phone beeping than her walking around half naked. He had been back for a few days Klaue had allowed him and had been on the computer, working. They hadn't fucked for three days which for couple weren't bad at all but they weren't couple. Sex was all they had between them. Something had been going on with him. It wasn't him sleeping around that bothered her but she worried about whatever he had been working on in secret involving that damn journal. It was consuming him. She itched to know but had always had to suppress them knowing he'd walk out if she brought it up.

The least he could do is sex her up for her resolve of non-interference. She missed his hands over her, his smell, his cock inside her. Maybe it was the desperation or the accumulated tension that made her set aside the bowl and walk around him to wrap her hands around him. Like a cat used to petting, he let himself be kissed and touched. Feeling he was getting into the mood, she slipped her hand under his shirt, feeling the raised scars under her palm. 

As she touched his nipples, Erik hummed with contentment so (Y/N) bent down to kiss him full on his mouth. It was broken quicker than she liked by the chime of a new window opening to which returned his attention. Frustrated, (Y/N) faced him and sank to her knees, making a quick work of his trousers. Erik seemed to be welcome to the idea and parted his legs so she could have better access to his hardening length but he did not put his work aside.

She started out slowly, teasing with small licks and gentle rubbing, knowing how he enjoyed it. She wanted him to forget all that was tying him to this world, so with eagerness, she leaned and took him inside her mouth. She sucked hungrily, swirling her tongue around as well as playing with his balls. She sucked and sucked, mixing his fluids with her saliva- it was wet, messy and utterly salacious. The lewd sounds that filled the room would no doubt haunt her later but at that moment, she was enjoying how powerful she felt. 

Inside her mouth, Erik was still swelling and before long he had began to thrust into her mouth. She tried to keep up with his pace but ended up choking on his cock. She could smell sex in the air, heavy and dizzying; it incensed her further. Erik came inside her mouth with shallow breath and tremors, shooting his load down her throat.

"C'm here." He said as soon as he took himself out. (Y/N) accepted the outreached hand. As soon as she was on her feet, Erik quickly undid her robe and motioned her to lie down on her stomach over the table. 

The glass was cold as ice under skin; she could she her reflection as well as Erik's silhouette hovering over her. 

"So greedy." He purred, palming the curve of her pass. (Y/N) stirred, trying to get comfortable on the hard surface but Erik locked her wrist with his hands and slid in. (Y/N) led out a gasp, feeling the burn of her walls as he began fucking into her. Breath, she reminded herself. Sex with him was riding roller-coaster; she felt weightless, scared yet free.

Somewhere in the background, Erik's phone beeped. Letting go off her hand he took the phone, ramming her at the same time. (Y/N) did not mind; it gave her a sense of inordinate thrill.

"Yo."

Instead of easing, he pounded into her with twice the zeal. (Y/N) felt hot all over; sweat dotted the expanse of her naked skin.

"Nah hol' up. Don't open none of them shit." He hoisted her up so she was on his lap and began to move her up and down his length. "Aight. Keep 'em closed."

Even though she was intrigued by the ongoing conversation, (Y/N) could hardly focus. Erik finished with a guttural moan just as he cut off the call. Not much later (Y/N) came too, shaking like a feverish child. He pulled out quickly, depositing her on the sofa, not roughly but it still hurt her. 

"Klaue again?" She asked.

"Sorry I gotta go." He said urgently, getting up and zipping his pants. "I'm gon be back in a bit." 


	16. Chapter 16

‘In a bit’ turned out to be a whole fucking hour. And two. (Y/N) grew nervous by the motion each hand of the clock. She had plenty of reasons to be- had Klaue found out about him being a rat? Was he being tortured at the moment? Would he give up their names? Dozen such thoughts started to nibble away her spirit. Dozens of futile phone calls later, when she had dozed off, the doorbell knocked her out of her stupor.

She literally fell while rushing to open the door. There stood Erik, motionless as statue in the dim light of hallway. He didn't have the slightest bit of remorse in his eyes.

"I had been calling for three hours straight. Where the fuck you been nigga?"

He muttered something along the line of he got held up in work and crossed her threshold. Dropping his jacket on the floor, he turned abruptly and pushed her up against the door.

"Erik-"

“Let’s pick it up where we left off.” He had hoisted her half a foot above the ground with his strong arms and kissing her fiercely. (Y/N) exhaled and kissed back, letting herself be consumed by the spreading wildfire of lust. She had missed his touch, his lips all over her.

"I was-" She panted as he grabbed her ass and squeezed. "Worried."

Erik stilled. The sudden loss of support made her wobble on her foot. "What?"

"I was worried. You weren't answering your cell."

"I said I got held up." Irritation laced his voice.

"You could let me know."                   

Erik turned away, leaving her disheveled. His back was to her, rigid and stoic like he was gearing up for battle. Only moments ago he was clawing at her madly. (Y/N) felt foolish to have brought it up.

"Erik-"

"Don't." He snapped. "Look I can't do this shit if you wanna do those mushy shits. I told you we ain't like that-"

"I know-"

"We can't if you start catching feelings."

"Erik." (Y/N) yelled, trying to stop him desperately before he did something drastic. Knowing Erik, it would take a millisecond for him to go off. "Calm the fuck down okay? Just tell me what I can do."

“Nothing.” He snarled. “I told you not to ask me about that.”

Enraged, (Y/N) fired back, “Is this about the Malcolm X shit you trying to pull?”

She should have known better than to belittle something he had devoted his life to. Even though it wasn’t physically possible, Killmonger seemed to grow into a sinister size, a foreboding aura radiating off him. He growled like a tiger provoked and was on her before she could blink.

“That _Malcolm X shit_ is what got you the freedom you been taking granted for. You people think protesting on twitter does the job but these niggas- they fought and died for us to be in the place where we are now. But you’d kiss white men’s ass to give you scraps from their plates than recognize how they treat you.”

“Don’t you bring Roy into this.” (Y/N) hissed.

He had told her he loved her.

(Y/N) felt the corner of her eyes sting, not from sudden overflow of affection but of guilt. But Roy saw what he wanted to see- a sign of love. He brushed away a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear, just like in sappy Tom Cruise movies. "I'm gonna call you."

 (Y/N) had smiled as she fought back the grimace threatening to spill the truth, maintaining physical contact so that he did not suspect anything. With one final kiss, he had left and (Y/N) sank to the floor, heart heavy with remorse. What was she doing, leading a man on- a decent man who genuinely cares for her- while fucking another behind his back? This wasn't like her. The worst thing wasn't that she was cheating on Roy, but that she knew he was developing feelings for her and did nothing to discourage him. She didn't let him go because she enjoyed the thrill of it-  the idea of being in control of one's emotion and play with it, made her feel powerful. It may be easy for the likes of Killmonger, but someone with conscience like (Y/N), each day was harder to look oneself in the mirror. Erik brought out this daring, reckless version of her, one whose existence she was oblivious of, the Harley Quinn inside her, loyal only to her King.

“Okay.” She gasped, cracking under the stress. Her chest was tight and hurting from the tension and Erik’s accusations made her crumble like house of cards. “Okay. If I’m such a horrible person don’t bother with me.”

“You kicking me out?”

(Y/N) wiped away her tears as an attempt to recollect herself. “I’m asking you to leave.”

“Yeah do that. It’s all you do when I tell you the truth. Run and hide.” He mocked.

“Leave Erik.”

“Nah I ain’t done withchu-“

“Fine if you won’t I will.” She made to slip past him but Erik’s wall like body effectively blocked. “Let go Erik, I’m serious.”

“Then fucking go.” He sneered without moving an inch. “I ain’t telling you to stay.”

Boiling with anger, (Y/N) shoved him aside. Despite not being affected at all, Erik reacted quickly, shoving her back so she tripped back.

“C’m on. That’s all you got?” Erik spat condescendingly.

It was the moment she lost all restraints. She hit him backhanded so hard that her knuckles started to hurt; the impact producing a loud ‘smack’. Erik recovered almost instantly and (Y/N) immediately realized she had made a mistake. He was sneering down on her with his cold, murderous eyes; his gold canines were glinting like a demonic beast from hell.

She took a step back but Erik being physically more powerful and fast seized her by her wrists and twisted. (Y/N) cried out, his hold on her was rough and unforgiving, unlike any other she had experienced in his hand; Erik had never manhandled her outside sex. The man before her was a stranger, a ferocious and brutish one at that; he genuinely scared her. She kicked at him haphazardly, trying to free herself by any means.  Seeing no other way, she bit down on his hand as hard as she could. As soon as Erik let her go, she threw a punch on his nose. He caught her fist halfway.

“Do that again.” The low growl of his voice made (Y/N) go weak for a millisecond but she recovered herself quickly and threw another punch. It landed but Erik still caught her wrist as she tried to draw away. Both of her wrists in his grip, he hauled her toward him; her soft bosom colliding with his hard muscles.

He pushed her back across the room; she stumbled along the table, Erik picked up her by her shoulder and threw her against the glass window. (Y/N) whimpered from the pain and when she looked behind her, she saw Erik dive at her. For a moment she thought he would kill her but his fist landed beside her ear; thankfully the glass did not shatter.

She didn’t know how long they were like this- her face was pressed against the cold glass, jaw trembling from fright; Erik was breathing down heavily on her neck. Down below, cars and bikes ran in a blur of red, blue and gold, oblivious of the savagery above.

“Ah.” (Y/N) sucked in breath sharply as she felt Erik’s lips on her shoulder. It was a hot, tingling and was moving to the crook of her neck- he was kissing her! They were fighting only seconds ago- how did it… Her thoughts were immediately extinguished as he sucked on the crook of her neck. The drag of his full lips was tender yet burning as they made contact with her skin- he knew kissing her most sensitive spot was the easiest way to crumble her resistance. He understood her body better than she did, knowing where exactly to tease her to get the most reaction.

Despite herself, (Y/N) felt herself getting turned on- the moistness arising between her folds was aching and burning. Stop this madness- she tried to school herself- he was trying to kill her moments ago. Erik’s hard on was pressing against her ass and (Y/N) wriggled, not knowing if it was to free herself or to get some friction.

“Stop moving.” Erik snarled into her ear as he pressed into her back tighter but (Y/N) won’t give up without a fight.

“Let go.” She hissed, twisting in his grip but to no avail. Erik was considerably stronger; he had tackled far worse than some girl denying what he craved. He grabbed her by her neck and slammed her to the window; her cheek hurt badly but not as bad as her pride. With his free hand, he ripped off her dress; the fabric fell apart like it was piece of paper tearing at the gentlest pull. The glass was moist from her breath and her tears were smeared across it; (Y/N) hiccoughed- the only sound was the sharp tear of her clothes and Erik’s heavy breathing. He too unbuckled his trouser and pulled down her panties.

“Shit.” (Y/N) exhaled as she felt his fingers breach him from the back. She tried not to push back into his touch but her body knew her master too well; he found little resistance in the already slick path. Hard and fast, he rubbed her clit, alternating between pinching and tugging. It was rough, sloppy and demanding- she was just a toy to be used and yet, she was aroused knowing that.

Deciding she was wet enough, Erik extracted his hands. “Spread yo legs.”

“No.” (Y/N) whispered, fighting back with the last ounce of pride she had left.

“I said spread yo legs mama. I ain’t gon ask again. Spread yo legs or imma take you right here.”

She nodded her head in defiance; she couldn’t utter a word thanks to the dryness of her throat. Erik true to his threats, wasted no time- he pulled her by her hips and roughly parted her thighs.

“Aah-“ (Y/N) cried out, feeling the head push through her entrance. Erik didn’t bother with preamble and pushed all the way in, his member burning white hot in her passage. Her mind went blank, every sense of her were focused between her thighs where Erik dove in and out mercilessly. She found herself crying, not just due to the pain but the intense pleasure that was rapidly taking it over.

“Look at you. Mewling on this dick like the slut you are. Whose pussy is this?”

(Y/N) didn’t reply fearing her words would betray her. Erik continued as he thrust in and out.

“Mine. Mine and mine. I own this shit.”

“You own nothing Killmonger.” (Y/N) bit back, pushing backwards to meet his thrusts. God fucking damn it felt so good.

“Word? Look at the way yo pussy clench around my dick. It knows who owns this pussy. You can try and run all you want babygirl but you gon come back to me. Imma bet my life on it.”

Keeping one hand on her hip, he put his other around her, massaging her breasts that were firm from arousal. Juices smeared across her hard and aching nubs- it was the same hand that was inside her. Articulate was his skill in working her tits; he pinched her nipples and rolled it between his fingers, adding to the pleasure that was already on the brink of overflowing.

“Nngh…yes.” She keened as Erik sucked on her neck again. Unable to contain herself anymore, she reached down to rub her clit- she was so over-stimulated.

“That’s it ma…milk this dick. You doing so good.”

“Ah..nngh yes daddy.”

Her orgasm was one of her most intense ever. It came like tornado, picking her up and hurling her away to god knows where. She felt like she was on a freefall, she wouldn’t mind if she hit the ground, the sensation was that strong. Erik too came, flooding her banks with his seed. He pulled out as gently as he was rough with her. He let her sag back into him and dropped down on the floor; (Y/N) falling on top of him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, stroking her belly. “I shouldn’t have hurt you like that. Damn I could have hurt you real bad.”

(Y/N) said nothing. As much as she liked his apology, she wouldn’t deny him being rough like that wasn’t mind-blowingly amazing and that alone made her heart lurch. Erik continued, promising to run her a bath and take real good care of her hence.

“Do I scare you?” He asked at length.

“Not half as much as I scare myself.” And it was true. It scared her how much she needed him.


	17. Chapter 17

It was rare for Erik to stay the night and rarer still for him staying a day. She had inkling of suspicion that deep down, he was touch starved but (Y/N) was cautious enough to never comment upon it.

She was the first to wake. In the middle of the night, Erik had traveled to the edge of the bed, snoring softly. He looked like a child, peaceful and incorruptible; it filled her with sadness. She let him sleep and reached for something to cover up- she need some caffeine.

Erik Stevens woke up to the touch of wind’s soft fingers caressing his lids and the light drip-drip sound of the rain that had lulled him to sleep last night. He found it hard to stir- his eyes were still laden with sleep and his left arm on which he had rested his head all night was numb. He rubbed his eyes and raised himself on his elbows, putting aside the blanket that had draped his naked body. Slowly and reluctantly he opened his eyes- (Y/N) sat cross-legged by the edge of the bed, wearing the shirt he had worn the night before, a white, flimsy thing barely hiding the bruises underneath. A wave of sickness washed over him; the guilt sat heavy just not on his heart but his entirety, nibbling his skin like million ants.

“Morning.” (Y/N) said. Erik’s eyes followed the way she tucked back a loose strand behind her ear, those dark eyes stared into his soul, innocent yet wise at once.

 “Hey.” He managed to say; his voice was husky from sleep as well as guilt.

“Hey.” She echoed. Erik with his tactical jacket and a gun in his arm, face contorted in determination was sexy; Erik with bed hair, lying leisurely in the nude was alluring. Her eyes followed every curve and slope of his muscles, committed each and every scar to her memory.

“I-“                     

“I don’t want to talk about it now.” (Y/N) cut him off, not unkindly. “Don’t wanna spoil such a beautiful morning. Just tell me this. Am I in danger Erik?”

“From what?”

“From you.”

Erik looked up at her slowly, too slowly to be normal, with his slightly parted lips, the shock on his face was apparent; his smile had curdled like lemon in milk. His surrounding spun, like someone had tugged off the rug under her and he was crashing down. She had shown him his true self and had hit him with a rock, breaking his into shards.He was horrified as it dawned to him that she was scared of him, that he had hurt her so much she feared for her life around him.

“No.” He mumbled but it sounded hollow. He cleared his throat. “No. Fuck no babe I told you I’m sorry for that shit…I ain’t gon do that again.”

He was repeating the same words over and over again desperately, knowing they lose meaning over time. “I had some fucked up shit going on so I was trippin hard. I didn’t mean to take it out on ya….it just happened aight?”

“Okay.”

Erik was dumbfounded. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” (Y/N) said simply.

“Is this a trick or something?” He asked cautiously.

“Nah you was right. I was butting in on something I dint have no business in. I just wish you’d lemme in, keep me on the loop. Maybe I could help yo ass with something.”

Her words were received with pregnant silence. “Aight Ill think ‘bout it.” He said at length and took hold of her hand that lay placid on her thigh. Around her wrists were purple bruises he had left last night; Erik ran his thumb over them and suddenly swooped down to kiss the area. It left (Y/N) shivering.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated.

“It’s all chill.” (Y/N) assured, letting him place kisses all over her arms and climbing up to her neck. Between each touch of lips he mumbled ‘sorry’ that bothered her so much that she pushed him off suddenly and straddled his lap, putting put her legs on each side of him and wrapped her arms around his neck, settling comfortably on his groin. Erik purred, glad to find her without panty.

He reacted in a flash, sliding his left palm over her thighs- just where he had hurt her last night. The brush of his fingertips was light as feather, prompting goose bumps to rise on her naked skin. He reached up, putting his hands around her neck and looked up to her for consent; (Y/N) tensed but did not protest. The feel of his skin was callous as he caressed her throat and put his thumb over her soft, plump lips. (Y/N) didn’t need to be told, she readily swallowed to his knuckle and swirled her tongue sensuously.

“Good girl.” He praised before pulling her in for a bruising kiss. His arms wound around her, hauling her to his lap. “You wearing my shirt.” He remarked into the kiss while massaging her waist through the sheer fabric.

“What you gon do ‘bout it?” She countered, chasing his tongue. Detaching herself from him, she pulled the shirt over her head and threw it on the ground. She could feel his chest rumble under her palm as a low, guttural moan escaped Erik’s lips. His member was already hard and leaking beneath her; (Y/N) raised herself on her knees and sank down on it, savoring the way Erik’s eyes widened and his breathing stopped- it was incredibly empowering. Her already sleek passage swallowed him readily as she adjusted her position.

(Y/N) started out slow, rising all the way up and then sinking down as deep as she could go.

“Harder.” Erik demanded, growing impatient with her agonizingly slow torture. He had his face between her breasts, sucking at each nipple with utmost devotion. Confident, (Y/N) started to grind her hip as well as bouncing with twice the speed.

“Yes. Yes!” He cried out. “Lemme see them titties bounce.”

Grabbing her waist, he thrust upwards to meet her every time she slammed down on his dick. (Y/N) had her fingers woven into his dreads to survive the tornado of euphoria that originated where the two bodies connected, coursing through her.

“That’s it ma…you feel so damn good.” He praised with that honey-dipped voice of his.

“Nngh…choke me.”

“Word?”

“Yeah.” It maybe a terrible idea but at the moment (Y/N) wasn’t in control of herself. Erik flipped them over, detaching momentarily to lay her on her back and slid inside her before she could feel the emptiness. His fingers settled around her throat, applying the slightest bit of pressure.

“Harder daddy.” She cried, not sure where she’d like the pressure more. Erik didn’t hold back- he pounded into her like this was his last fuck; both of them had been reduced to their primal form.

“Fuck..nngh…I’m gonna cum.”

“Not yet mama, hold it.”

“I ah…I can’t.” She pleaded. She was filled to brim with pleasure, ready to burst like a perfectly ripe fruit.

“Nah you can. Yo body is screaming for the best nut and imma give it to you.”

By the time Erik permitted her to come, (Y/N) was an over-stimulated mess, quaking with want. As soon as he whispered, “Come for me baby girl”, her fuse went off. She was flooded, literally and figuratively, an exquisite satisfaction flowing throughout her. Erik fell next to her having emptied himself, panting. They lay together for some time, shoulders touching and their breathing in sync. From time to time Erik would kiss her shoulder with those full lips of his while they talked about random things.

“Was there anyone else before me? Like continuous?” She asked, playing with his sparse beard.

“Not really. There was this girl, pretty but real shy- much like you when I come to think of it. Anyway, that was when I was in foster care in Sacramento. I used to sneak into her room at night but one day, I fell asleep and her pops- he’s a cop- busted us. Got removed to San Francisco immediately.”

“To think that you only lived ten minutes away. If you went to my school, we could’ve met before.” (Y/N) mused out loud. “We couldn’t have done nothing though. The sisters were always watching us like hawks. There was this guy, a bit older than us- he got involved with a junior girl. They made him kneel down for three periods in principal’s office.”

Erik sniggered, touching under his nose as he always did when he laughed.

A sudden knock on the door interrupted their leisure. (Y/N) rose. “I’ll get it.”

The disruptor was a rat-like man with average height, dressed in second-hand jackets and muddy shoes. When he spoke, his voice came out coarse and grating.

“Are you her?”

“Am I who?” (Y/N) countered sharply.

“Killmonger’s girl.” That was an odd way to be addressed and even odder that the man knew who she was.

“Who is it?” Erik asked, appearing behind her. “Yo Lucky. What you doing here man?”

“We needa talk.” The man urged.

Erik glanced at (Y/N) who was definitely not pleased with his associate and stepped out, closing the door behind him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are confused by this, I'm just rewriting the fic. A few chapters have been added (you can check it out); the story otherwise have remained the same.

Erik returned earlier than she expected. He had been out with ‘Lucky’ the entire day; ignoring several texts (Y/N) had sent him. From his appearance she deduced he got mixed in something shady- his shirt sported spray of blood and he walked with a slight limp, favoring his right; she could make out the outline of not one but two guns, tucked behind his belt. (Y/N) had seen him in this state before but there was something different about it that day.

Despite his perpetual unyielding appearance, he looked disconcerted- there was cold fury smoldering under his stony expression. He stripped down in hurry, his back was stiff and rigid to her; he was avoiding her eyes at all cost. It wasn't guilt, something told (Y/N), but rage and frustration. Something about his plan had gone awry.

"Erik?" She called out tentatively, hoping that he'd respond to gentleness. But all he did was bark out, "What?"

"I- do you wanna eat dinner now?"

"Imma head to shower first." He said, stranding her by the door, deep in worry.

He took his time showering. He was always silent in there- he never hummed to himself; sometimes the water would stop running and (Y/N) wondered if he had evaporated inside. She let him be. In the meantime she heated up the leftovers and laid it out for him.

Erik came out sometime later, his chocolate skin glistening with beads of water as he wrapped his towel around his hip. He needed to dry his dreads, (Y/N) thought, they stuck to his forehead. That seemed like a something a concerned wife would think. Maybe it rose out of living together for so long, nothing but friendly concern, she justified.

He moved to the couch with the plate and his laptop under his arm. (Y/N) decided to leave his as he was- maybe he'll have his shit together in the morning. She stayed up till late night- sleep wouldn't come to her addled brain. When it did, it was broken by Erik yelling "Fuck!" in the nextroom.

There was loud crash just before she came upon him. She hurried thinking it might be her precious lamp she got from her sister but it was Erik's laptop, parts of which were scattered in bits and pieces from the impact.

"E?"

Erik seemed not to have heard her. He ran his fingers through the partitions of his dreads in rapid succession, hissing in frustration as he did. (Y/N) walked over to him, avoiding the fragments of the laptop.

"Jesus." She cleared the floor with her feet. Through the corner of her eyes, she noticed him reached for his cell. "Erik?"

"The fuck you want?"

"Chill nigga. You was gon smash yo phone."

"Yeah well its mine to smash." He spat, gripping the phone so hard that it might snap in his grip. Warily, she crept toward him. Erik snarled like a cornered wild animal and (Y/N) flinched, shocked by his reaction.

"Hey. It's just me aight?" She knelt by the couch. "C'm on."

"Leave it (Y/N)."

Instead of backing down, she was fueled by desperation. She could get through him, he must allow her to; after all, she had been with him for longer than anyone. "Nah c'm on tell me." She took his hands in her, hoping to draw away the rage inside him. "I can't help yo ass if tell me nothing."

"I didn't ask for yo help." He shoved her; it wasn't rough but Erik had never manhandled her outside sex.

"Don't look at me like a kicked-puppy. You can't do nothing so stay the fuck outta it." He sneered. It was the worst tantrum she witnessed since he walked out on her. But (Y/N) was not going to let this nigga step over her.

"I'm trying to be understanding you selfish asshat. You been gallivanting around doing whatever the fuck you feel like doing and come here wrecked as shit only for me to take care of you."

"Well save yo pity 'kay? You been doing this on yo own and I never told you to. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I'ma grown ass man."

"Then fucking act like it." (Y/N) screamed. She was tired of his shit; he was always keen to take everything from her, returning nothing. The least he could do was to make her understand.

They were both panting from the heat of argument. Breathe, she reminded herself. She was nothing but rational. "Just- lemme help you." She placed her hand on his thighs as a gesture of empathy. "Please." 

Erik stilled for a while but broke out of it easily. He stood up, ignoring her pleas. Snubbed and humiliated, she let her anger take over.

“It’s about Vibranium isn’t it?” She watched with satisfaction as Erik stopped in his track. She had been suspicious since Erik had taken up the mission; it hadn’t much effort to put it all together. She was going to bring it up under a favorable time but when Erik had spurned all her efforts, all hell broke loose. Tired and angry, she needed to vent it out."You thought I wouldn’t figure out, didn’t you? Wakanda is the only place Vibranium comes from and Klaue’s already stolen much of it. He’s gonna lead you to Wakanda. That’s why you took the assignment.”

Erik transformed before her eyes. His muscles tensed as her words triggered his brain, hands balling into fist. (Y/N) steadied herself for him to pounce.

"I thought we were gonna keep our shits separate." He said in deathly calm voice. It made her hackles rise.

 "I tried to. I ignored all you did for years. I never judged, never questioned. You killed and killed and killed and I had tried not to think about it. I forgot that you are a fundamentally hollow person, that you don't give a shit about none. You wanted me to be someone like that too, that I could be just a shell to be used. But I'm not Erik. I have a conscience. Yours might have been discarded along the way but mine still works. I can't be what you want me to be. Especially not the shit way you treat me."

"So I'm the fuck-up. Is that what you saying? But guess what? You stuck with me all these years. That makes the same fuck up as me. Now that you think shit's getting real, you wanna jump the ship." His gold teeth flash like the canine of a predator. "Don't go around acting like fucking saint cuz you sure as hell ain't one."

 "I never said I was. But all these deals under the table? Klaue Using Vibranium to build weapons? You told me you were gonna open up but I guess that was just to keep me as your bitch. You just keep on lying and lying."

"I ain't lied 'bout nothing 'kay? I asked you if you wanted a part and you spit on it."

"Because that shit you are in is fucked up!"

"Then stay out of it ma. I told you it don't concern you so lemme do my shit."

"Oh it became my shit the day you decided to fuck me. I've let you off with whatever you did in the past cuz you said you were following orders. But this? Go ahead and tell me this isn't all you."

"It's all me." He said complacently. "What? You think I ain't proud of it? I been working on this all my life, to try and help our people-"

"By creating weapons that could kill thousands of people? You think that's how everything's gonna be solved? You are doing the same as these people you wanna kill- it leads to nothing but violence."

As soon as the words left her lips, Erik's eyes glowered with anger. Before long he was striding toward her and had her backed against the wall.

"Violence? Huh? What about the violence we suffer each day at the hands of these white monsters?" She felt Erik's finger's close around her neck. "What of all our ancestors' pain, what about the violence they suffered huh? You been sitting here with your high moral shit, ignoring yo brother and sisters on the streets? You think you are above them cuz you that white nigga's whore?"

"Don't you dare bring Roy into this killmonger-"

"Ah so we back to Killmonger now?"

"It's the name you chose. It's who you are."

"It's what the world made me. Tell me what you done for our people. Huh? Ever looked at them while you rode yo fancy-ass car to school? Who's selfish now, mm?"

(Y/N) closed her eyes, trying to shut away his loud accusations but he was in her head, his voice ringing like bell calling for her execution. His grip around her neck was tightening around her neck, cutting off her air supply. She tried not to show how much it was hurting her but her vision started to get blurry.

"Stop-" She croaked. "Erik- stop. You are hurting me. You are hurting me!"

Killmonger let go off her and she crashed on the floor, coughing and panting. Her neck hurt terribly and she couldn't breathe however she tried, as though someone had snapped her windpipe. At the periphery of her vision, she noticed him approaching her.

"Shit...fuck- babe I'm sorry-" She felt his hand on her shoulder and scooted away from his touch. She was frustrated and disgusted with herself, being so weak to not be able to defend herself. She hated to be looked upon as weak and vulnerable; she couldn't bear Erik's presence.

"No-" She wheezed, clutching her breast. Her vision was blurry with tears. "Get away from me!"

"(Y/N)-" Erik crouched beside her but (Y/N) back away like he was something poisonous.

"No fucking get out! Go!"

 She heard the door slam shut afterwards. (Y/N) did not get up to lock it; she lay there on the cold, wet floor, looking at the ceiling blankly till dawn.

 


	19. Chapter 19

It was only after Erik's departure, (Y/N) realized how he had made himself indispensable to her life. Looking back at their timeline, she could pinpoint the exact moment she began digging her own grave. This was bound to happen; soaring in the sky is ethereal but in the end, one has to return to ground at last and (Y/N) had no harness that could make her land safely. So she did what she always did- wipe away her tears and pretend it was a sham for her too.

It'd be a matter of time for him to come around. She deleted every text that came from him. She wanted him to suffer, to feel the angst he had put her in. She dreamed of him touching himself to the thought of her, writhing with regret as he did which of course was hardly unlikely.  This was a man whose heart didn't skip a beat pulling the trigger on innocent civilian if it meant succeeding in his mission; not even for the women he had been sleeping with him for over a year. He came and went as he pleased, never bothered to check how she was doing in life yet she kept on giving herself to him despite there was another who desired for the woman she is, something she'd never do but Erik brought out the worst in her. With him, it was hard to see past her own desires. He had impaired her judgment so.

But then he went radio silent. She’s waited for her cell to ring (she had a different ringtone for his number). Days passed. She grew tired of the texts that never came. Tired and hurt, she willed herself to cut him off her life but he has been within her too long, he’s a part of her. Even though she told herself it was over, she couldn’t extinguish the weak flickering flame of hope that he had lit in her.

Without him, her nights were lonely; she could go out, let her hair down for a bit but she hadn't done it in a while. The bar wasn't her niche- cacophony of the crowd and their meaningless chatters made her antsy. Compared to that, a hot bath and wine was more appealing. Maybe she should invest in a vibrator; it came without baggage.

Her apartment was in the same shabby state she had left it in- she took off her jacket and blouse, throwing them over her bed. That was when she noticed a shadowy mass on the settee; the light streaming from the city outside illuminated his- it was definitely a 'he'- outlined his features like something supernatural.

Reaching for the gun secured in her thigh-holster, she flicked on the lights. The abstract shape in the dark took the familiar form of Killmonger with his broad shoulder and dreads falling all over his face.

 "Motherfucking-" 

"Calm yo titties woman. You was gon blow my dick off!"

"How the fuck did you get in?" (Y/N) asked after she calmed down from her hysteric screaming. There was no sign of forced entry but knowing the resources he possessed, it shouldn't be surprising.

"How the fuck did you get this job with courage of a fucking rabbit?" He asked instead of answering the question.

"I didn't exactly apply for this job." (Y/N) snapped. "Whatchu want?"

"Does it look like I want something?"

"You've got some nerve, nigga. You disappeared for a month and now you back, breaking into my apartment and sitting here, all Bond-style like you didn't just assault me. The fuck you want?"

Erik took a step back, hand raised in submission in response to the sudden gush of vitriol.

Erik took a step back, hand raised in submission in response to the sudden gush of vitriol. "Nothing aight? I just wanted to check if you was okay."

"Did you now?" (Y/N) fumed. "Well I'm great Erik, I'm honored that you were even concerned. Now if you don't mind-" She brushed past him, bumping against him rudely with utmost hostility. Erik acted immediately; he reached out and tried to deter her by force.

"No no no no get away from me. Get the fuck away from me!" She hissed, successfully blocking his advance. He stopped abruptly, evidently unprepared for her wrath. "If you think that you can just waltz in here and I'd take back your abusive ass, you are sorely mistaken."

"I ain't saying that- you keep putting word in ma mouth-"

"Oh I'm putting word in yo mouth nigga?!"

"Damn right you are. I said I wanted to talk. Why you trippin?"

 "Why I'm trippin?" She snorted, derision laced in her voice. "You fucking strangled me you asshole. You are a selfish, piece of shit, do you hear me? That's all you are. I took care of your ass, patched you up when you came home bleeding and shit; I gave you a place and you selfish fuck, you thought that's all I'm for, that I'm your housewife or shit. That whatever you do, I'd forgive you but I won't. I've warned you, Erik I'm not like your bitches. I won't stand and take yo shit like all of them do, 'kay? I won't!"

"And I've been trying to apologize but you got your ego so high that you won't even take my calls. I shot you like what? Hundred texts?"

"Texts? You tried to choke me and that's the best you could do? Maybe it's cuz you haven't had any sort of relationship but it’s not how you apologize-"

"Don't bring that up." Erik warned, voice rising to octave with agitation. He looked vehement; (Y/N) knew better than to provoke him further but she couldn't hold herself back. Months and months of pent up frustration were being vented out.

"Why not? You think you are so big and tough yet every time your past comes up, you run."

"Shut up." He kicked at the table that sent the items on it flying. The little figurine of ballerina with its broken head rolled toward her feet.

"Stop playing the victim card, Erik. Many of us don't do it. I’m done with you. I’m done with all of this.” She cried. “ Just…tell me this. Did you hook up with me cuz I was investigating Klaue? Was that your plan?”

“No!” Erik asserted. “Maybe…I don’t know. But I wasn’t gonna use you to get Klaue.”

“So why stick around?”

At this point, her voice cracked; the corner of her eyes had started to sting. How quickly he had broken her composure. She willed herself not to cry, she won't show how big a weakness he was of her but she failed. Fat drops of tear leaked through the crack of her wall, streaming down her smooth cheek.

"Yeah go ahead and laugh Killmonger. You succeeded." She spat, closing her eyes and wiping away the evidence with the back of her hand. She had always thought of herself as a strong women, slave to none, who was governed by her own choices. Yet that was what she did. The irony made her heart twist- she let herself be used; she stuck around knowing goddamn well he was poisonous. Or maybe it was that tiny unrealistic fantasy inside her that hoped that she'd be an exception to him, that she wasn't like anyone else. That she'd be the one Erik would open to. The naivety...

"I'm sorry." He said at length. He sounded genuinely remorseful and maybe he was but it did nothing to lessen the anger (Y/N) felt; she wanted to hurt him truly bad.

"(Y/N)?"

"Get out Erik." She felt him close into her personal space. "I'm serious, you need to leave."

"Nah not before you listen to me."

"See that's what I'm talking 'bout! You always shutting me down before hearing what I've got to say- I told you not to touch me- I can't keep up with this." As she ranted, Erik's arms closed around her. "For fuck's sake Erik lemme go."  She tried to break free of the grip he had assumed in the meantime but Erik's hold on her was strong as iron safe. "Dammit lemme go nigga!"

Knowing he won't let her she began to throw punches at him. Some landed on his chest; other better-aimed struck his jaw. To her surprise and frustration, Erik took them all, still maintaining his arms around her as though he intended to absorb her anger. She tired eventually, breaking down into fits of sobbing. His shirt clutched in her fists began to dampen with her tears. Erik held her tighter, kissing her crown delicately from time to time. She hated how it began to soothe her inner tempest; her body too went slack, an automatic reaction to his touch.

 "I'm sorry." He mouthed against her temple. "Shh I ain't mean to do that to you. I'm sorry."

They broke apart eventually and clashed again with their lips. It was a simple press of lips, sweet, wet with a touch of salt of her tears, unlike anything they shared in the past. Erik's hands moved from her sides to cup her face. She felt a lick on her lips, a request she granted without thinking. Her body was in perfect sync with his, knowing his every move and acting accordingly. It's almost involuntary.

They kissed hungrily, clutching each other in frenzy. It was mayhem of kissing, sucking, literally devouring one another, so violent that eventually the tinge of blood filled their senses. Erik's body was hot against her, pulsating with zealous lust. The urgency soon contaminated (Y/N) and she let her instincts take over.

His shirts tore away easily; the ripping sound along with Erik's throaty moans augmented her wanton spirit. The many scars made themselves felt under her palm and her torso, a familiar sensation now. She began kissing his jaw and down his neck, sucking with fervor to leave her claim on him. Erik bit down on her skin, reveling in the sensation as he made to unhook her bra and thus spilling her breasts. Unable to contain himself, he tried to hoist her up but the pencil skirt of (Y/N) got in their way.

"Damn this-" The fabric of the skirt was too strong to be torn so (Y/N) helped him unzip it. She kicked it off along with her heels and let herself be scooped up by the man she wanted to throw out not five minutes ago.

They never made it to bed- bumping into several items along the way; they fell on the sofa with her straddling him. No words were spoken- (Y/N) gave him no time and got up to pull away his jeans and underwear, leaning in occasionally to kiss him, unable to rein in her impatience. Erik too shared her mentality, rising up to meet her halfway.

"No." She stopped him with a hand on his chest when he made to flip their position. Pushing him back, she hopped off his lap and took off her panties. Erik licked his lips, eyes smoldering with hunger as he took in the sight of her in her naked glory, wet and eager just like he liked it.

Keeping the eye contact intact, she resumed her initial position. Erik's mouth formed an 'O' as she began to sink down on him; his eyes were black pool, rolling back as she adjusted herself.

 "Here." She commanded, attaching his hands on her waists; Erik obliged, taking a firm hold of her ass as she began bouncing on him. A shower of grunts left his throat, filling her with a sense of control she had never felt with him. (Y/N) wrapped her arms around his head, trapping him between her breasts. Overjoyed, Erik began to suck on her nipples, swirling his tongue around her and flicking tortuously on the tip. The screens of her eyelids were patches of dark and hectic red.

Soon Erik shifted and laid on his back, allowing her full rein. Legs on either side, she began to fuck herself, hard and fast. The tip of his dick was hitting her spot and (Y/N) leaned down, planting her hands on either side for support.

"Like that yeah-" Erik cooed, grabbing her tits and massaging them. "Damn baby your pussy is so good to me- god that was so fucking hard without it..."

(Y/N) came like sudden storm, rocking and gushing all over his dick. Erik came seconds later, flooding her walls with his cum. She collapsed on him, atop the mess of their sweat and body fluids, chest heaving in want of breath.


	20. Chapter 20

(Y/N) had always hated night time. She always envisioned it as something intense and all-consuming, draping over the joy and happiness of the earth, injecting dread into their senses. Yet it was her ally- it acutely sharpened her senses, allowing her to dare.

Beside her, Killmonger lay fast asleep, right arm over his eyes; his chest rising and falling in rhythm. Every time he stirred, a jolt shot through (Y/N)’s body, making her fingers pause on the keyboard. She should have slipped something in his drink to be extra sure but his eyes seemed to be on her all the time.

Erik’s phone was heavily guarded. Having fished it out of his pocket, she had plugged it to her PC and set to decrypt its encryption algorithm. She had already planned her steps- check call log, messages, anything that could give her a gist of what was going on and erase all traces. After all, she had done it before.

A million thoughts went through her mind in rapid succession- some curiosity, some apprehension. There was a reason Erik didn't want her to know anything and she had given him her word that what he chose to share was enough for her. She was so hell-bent to know what he hid, she forgot to think how it'd change the way she saw him. It was just to understand him, she had tried to reason but what if she didn't feel about him as she did then? She didn't want anything to change.

The screen was blank except for rows and column of numbers and letters appearing and disappearing at tremendous speed.

43%.

Erik would find out of course, later if not then. It might be her only chance.

51%

Frustrated (Y/N) struck the screen- the system seemed to be slower than its custom.

"Hey." Erik's voice made her jump. He was sitting upright next to her, rubbing his eyes. (Y/N) promptly minimized the open windows.

"Whatchu doing?" He asked, peering down on the screen. "

"Yeah. Just checking my account-" She had been careful enough to keep that tab open lest he stumbled in like he did. He grunted, satisfied with her response and got up, heading for the toilet. (Y/N) heaved a sigh of relief.

When the bathroom door opened, she was forced to shut down everything, trusting she had got enough. Maybe she had been too fast; her movement seemed to have caught Erik's attention. She couldn't help but feel he was aware that something was going on.

He didn’t comment on it however. Yawning loudly, he poured himself water from the bedside table. It’s just her paranoia- (Y/N) told herself.

"Come here." Erik said as he climbed on the bed. "Why you keep wearing these in bed?" He tugged at the robe she had slipped on. "I told you don't needa hide from me ma." He proceeded to tug the fabric, putting her at risk of exposure.

"Erik-" She whined, heart thundering in her chest. Her mind was screaming- abandon. His hands snaked around her waist- alarmed, she pushed his phone under the cover. She cupped his face, hoping to distract him but when their eyes met, her heart stopped.

"What's this?" He held up the phone by its extension cord.

All sirens went off in her head; she felt time stop and Erik's eyes wander from her hand to her eyes. She could see the anger take form in his eyes, glowing like amber, fanned by her betrayal. She tried to retrieve the cord out of his grip but Erik's strength was overwhelming. His nail dug into her skin, eyes holding her hostage.

"Smart." His voice dripped with admiration and mockery. "You get better and better as I see you shawty. That was some twisted-ass trick you pulled. Never knew you had it in you."

He loosened the grip momentarily to toss away the cord; it went through the open window, probably down the drain. Spying her opportunity, (Y/N) scrambled but Erik was fast. His fingers gripped around her arm and with another hand he clutched her hair, restraining her effectively. (Y/N) did what her instincts told her to do- she screamed, clutching and clawing to break away for him but to Erik, who had scarred himself all over his body repeatedly, it was no more than cat scratches. He slammed her head to the headboard; the impact produced a blunt sound with tremendous pain that radiated all over her skull. (Y/N) saw her vision darken and little patches of light floating.

Pulling her back by her hair and grabbing her jaw so hard that he might just break it with his brute strength, he hissed by her ear, "I been good to you, haven't I? Haven't I?" His scream pierced her eardrum. "I gave you all I could, ma dick, ma time. I told you I wanted to make you my queen. And all I asked in return is for you to have some faith in yo nigga. I wasn't asking nothing more was I?"

(Y/N) whimpered; Erik was pulling the hair of the very place she had been hit.

 "I told you you got some talent." He continued. "I told you you could join me but you can't just can't help but fuck up everything, mm? What I don't get is why you need to pull this shit. I told like fifty motherfucking times that I can’t let you in this and you agreed to that shit.

"You wanna be punished is that it? Or you just fucking bored so you gotta stir up shit? Which is it?"

"I was just trying to understand-" She croaked and was immediately rewarded by a slap across her face; the left cheek burnt from his hand, the right cheek from hitting the headboard again.

"You can't! You can't understand a fraction what I been through or what I'm trying to do cuz you never believed in it." Another slap, the same cheek. "You never fucking believed in it, you talk shit 'bout what I do and I still treated you like I'd treat ma girl. I coulda have any hoe I wanted but I still stuck with yo ass and this what you pay me with?"

He raised his hand for the third time; (Y/N) closed her eyes, bracing herself for the hit but several heartbeats later she realized, Erik didn't strike her. A singer tear escaped her eye. She felt the mattress shift as Erik climbed off. (Y/N) stayed still, scared that any movement will unleash his wrath again. Her breath came in small spurts, hot and heavy. Her hands- sweaty and trembling were by her side.

When she opened her eyes again, the room was empty.

 

* * *

 

Outside the glass partition, (Y/N) sat cross legged on the metal chair. She had dressed to blend in with the grave atmosphere of the office- a gray suit tailor made complete with watch on her wrist; thick layer of foundation to conceal the bruises.

The office was painted in grey and chiffon, and it was encased floor-to-ceiling window, which faced the main road down below. On the desk of the lounge sat a desktop computer, a suited man behind it who attended to people's inquiry. In the corner, the air conditioner was blasting at medium. Officers with their sleek folders and polite smiles stopped under the cool air and resumed their routine again.

(Y/N) glanced behind herself again- Ross was still talking to the bearded man who drawled with his hands stiff by his side; she wondered if Ross's neck hurt from peering up at the giant man who was at least a foot on him. She tapped her foot with frustration- she was running out of time. Finally the man grabbed his briefcase and shook hands with Ross, giving (Y/N) a curt nod while leaving.

The man at the desk signaled her to go in. Ross seemed to be in a hurry. He trotted around the desk and started punching the keypad.

"Close the door." He called out to her though (Y/N) had already done it. "You will have to make it fast. I'm due in Senator Ryan's in-" He consulted his watch. "Four minutes."

"Of course." (Y/N) replied. "I was hoping to have a quick word about Killmonger."

"What about him?" He raised his eyes from the screen.

"I heard you've put him in Klaue's circle."

"I can't comment on that." Ross replied stiffly.

"Let's skip these games shall we? I know you think Killmonger is supplying with info and maybe he'll give you Klaue but I've evidence that it’s all a sham." She took out the files she had spent three days working on and laid it on his desk. "I think you'd want to know he has his own agenda with Klaue."

Ross straightened his back and gave her a long hard look. Then he bent down, peering at the file she had offered and pushed it back toward her.

"Killmonger told me you'd come." He said at length. He returned to the work at hand, still continuing to talk to her. "I get it you two were a thing but I can't entertain this sort of behavior to compromise our assignments. Sabotaging an operation because of some personal vendetta is absolutely crossing the line and it may warrant for penalty."

"What?" (Y/N) asked, dumbfounded.

"He informed me that you two had separated in whatever sort of relationship you were in and you hold a grudge against him so you might try to disrupt the operation by accusing him of switching sides."

(Y/N) felt stupid. But of course he did! He was always a step ahead of her. Reaching to Ross first, he had assured her accusation had no ground. That thrice damned bastard. She did not try to persuade Ross any further- he was already decided.


	21. Chapter 21

**Present day:**

"I had supplied false information when I told you about N’Jadaka’s end." T'challa said.

"What do you mean?"

"He is alive. After the battle resolved, I had him brought to our lab. The blade had pierced his lungs but we were able to revive him with much treatment. He's been in Wakanda ever since."

(Y/N) was silent for a moment. In the last half an hour she had to come in terms with his death and hide her sorrow- it was all too much to process. "You let him live?"

"I had to."        

"Then you are stupid."

The two guards glared at her; T'challa remained patient.

"Maybe so. I had to save him- I had to atone for my father's mistake."

"He tried to kill you."

"He did and I can understand why. Erik may have been wrong in action and his methods I condemn with all my heart but his rage was justified. He is a victim, caught up in the war of our fathers; he was robbed of all that I had, of all that he deserved as a prince of Wakanda. He saw the hatred and it molded him the way he is but he is not wrong. If anything, he made us open our eyes- he showed us where we went wrong. He deserved to be saved, to find his way back to his tribe again. It is the only way I could ask for forgiveness from my uncle."

"Is he in jail?" (Y/N) tried not to be blunt but ended up failing.

"He is being rehabilitated. The council initially wanted him to be executed but I couldn't agree with them. He's my cousin, my blood and I owed it to him to offer him a second chance. It was hard to get through him- I'm sure you'd know- but N'Ja- Erik had started to be cooperative. He even advises me from time to time."

"You let a psychopath councel you?"

"Erik is trying. He is beginning to cast off his old self and I believe he will be able to reform himself completely." He paused and then asked delicately. "Would you like to visit him?"

"Did he ask for me?"

"No." T'challa replied truthfully.

"Then I don't think so. I have no interest to willfully set myself up for another round of insult. The last time was enough. I'm not going to build the bridge he burnt down."

* * *

 

**1 year 2 months ago:**

Coming back to San Francisco, (Y/N) realized how much she had missed the city. The overcrowded streets brought back memories of her childhood- the park she played in with her peers, the maple tree under which she waited to catch the bus. Their house too has aged- the plasters were falling off exposing the framework within. Her family comprising of her soon-to-retire parents and the new doctor that was her sister, welcomed her with warmth.

"Get back before seven okay?" Her mum said when (Y/N) got into the family car she had rented from papa. "There's some funny shits going on in these blocks so you be careful, eh? And call me when you get there."

"Will do ma."

(Y/N) arrived at her destination twenty minutes later. She parked her car outside the fence that enclosed the basketball court. Behind it rose columns of apartments, children of which were then shooting ball at the court. She trudged up the deserted stairwell. By the time she reached the floor, she was out of breath and her head swam. She clutched on to the railing to keep herself steady and when the nausea died, she knocked on the door. At first there was no answer so she knocked again. Behind the door, she heard someone curse grudgingly, the voice becoming clearer with the approaching footstep.

The door opened with a click and she was met with dark, furious eyes, glowing like a tiger provoked. She felt all air suck out of her lungs and the ground shift beneath her feet. Suddenly she was back in South Africa, Killmonger cornering her like his prey with the ferocity that had dissolved in the past years.

"Hey." (Y/N) pushed down the heaviness swelling inside her chest and adopted a polite smile. Erik's curse died down in his throat as their eyes met. It takes a second or two for him to take him the sight, even more as he truly realized she was there in person. He looked well, (Y/N) thought to herself as she waited for him to invite her in. He wore a loose tee and a black trouser, his dreads falling freely over his forehead. She felt an incredible urge to close the distance between them but there was no going back.

Recovering a shade of the color he had lost, he licked his lips and motioned her in. (Y/N) took it as a good sign- at least he was willing to talk; she stepped past the door frame, keeping her distance from him, her heartbeat accelerating so fast that it might explode any moment. Once inside, her eyes fell upon several diaries, maps and cellphones littered over the floor as well as the couch. She heard Erik move across the floor and she stepped back, putting up her guards.He locked the door and went to stand beside the window that looked down on the basketball court below. He looked impassive having gotten over the shock. (Y/N) smiled, hoping to ease the tension but it flopped. Erik looked at her like a wounded animal that had been robbed of his voice but soon that earnest gaze was replaced by smoldering flame of anger.

"Ross sent you here?" His sharp tone cracked like a whip. (Y/N) winced as she tried to summon words to form answer.

"I sent myself. He wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. Kudos to you of course. You painted me as the jealous ex out for revenge. How did you know I wasn’t gonna tell him everything?"

“The same way I knew you was gon show up.”

“You played it well.”

Erik didn't look pleased with himself as she had thought he'd be. He snatched the glass paperweight off the table and leaned back, playing catch with it.

"Erik-"

"Why you here?"

"I-" (Y/N) fumbled for words. She had practiced the speech a hundred times over on her way but at that moment, she found practice meant nothing if she didn't even have the courage to stand up to him.

"Why you here?" He hollered, his gruff voice reverberating all around them. "Mm?"

"I wanted to see what you been up to." She swallowed, bracing herself for him to pounce.

"Nah you here to play the doting wifey, to spy on mah shit again. Or better yet, you here to beg me to take yo ungrateful ass back. Either way you ain't gon get none so you can beat it."

"I'm just looking out for you-"

"That's a goddamn mothafuckin' lie!" He growled, loud and furious like lava seething in live volcano. (Y/N)'s heart lurched with fear and she stepped back involuntarily, clutching her jacket tighter. God this wasn't well at all, she thought to herself as she tried to hold onto her rapidly draining courage. Erik like a madman, continued. "You think what you mah bitch or somethin'? Mm? That you got some weird-ass right to fuck with my life?"

"I'm not-"

"Don't open yo mouth when I'm speaking to you!" He roared. "Bet you think you could just crawl after the shit you pulled and imma be all over you? You can pretend to be all sweet and dopey but that sugary cunt act wont fly with me. We fucked before aight but I'm done withchu."

"You telling me I mean nothing to you no more?" (Y/N)'s eyes widened at how easily the words fell from his lips.

"You deaf or something? Aye imma spell it out for you if you need. I'm done with yo boring ass 'kay?"

Hours later she'd realize he said out of anger but then his words were dagger to her chest, slicing open every wound she had exposed to him. She felt the corner of her eyes prick with tears and before she could blink them away one fat, hot drop slid down her cheek.

"Look at you crying like the little bitch you are. Is that what you been doing since I left yo ass? Crying cuz that white-ass nigga you keep around can't hit it right?"

"Erik don't-" (Y/N)'s lips trembled as she said it. Her throat was tight as if he had invisible fingers around it; such easy for him to break her and (Y/N) herself gave him that power. She handed him the gun and pointed it to her chest, telling him to shoot her and now he had.

But Killmonger was ruthless. He continued spitting insults at her. "Now you got nothing else so you can dip."

"You don't mean that."

"You think I'm playing with you? Huh? Think I'd be crying like you are? I don't do that shit girl. You want to believe that you are bigger than the world but open them eyes mama, the world don't revolve around you. You ain't shit girl. I could get ten girls better looking than yo dumb face, ever better fuck. None of them girls would ever complain 'bout how I treat them. They know I got more important shit going on."

At this point tears were falling down her cheek like silken thread. She was humiliated beyond what she could endure, diminished to such low opinion and yet she couldn't will herself to fight back or leave. She hadn't noticed when she had backed away so far from him that she was sagging against the wall; hands over her ear she tried to block out his attack.

"Yo stop with that whinning. You know I can't stand that shit-" He said impatiently but it pushed her to cry even harder. Get it together (Y/N), she thought to herself, you gotta stand yo ground.

"I said stop crying." She heard him yell and then -crash! He had thrown the heavy paperweight; it struck the wall, only a foot away from her and broke into thousand chips of glass, some of them showering on her as she tried to scurry away. In a blink of an eye, Erik was trapping her between his arms, simmering with anger."Dammit bitch stop with that weepy act-" He punched the wall. "Shut up. Shut the fuck up!"

(Y/N) whimpered; Erik was nothing but a ghost in her bleary eyes. She felt him grab her arms, followed by a violent shake. She resisted as best as she could but Erik's strength own; he dragged her away and threw her against the iron rack. The jab of metal on her shoulder made her cry out; she knelt on the floor, face twisted in grimace.

"Fuck!" He kicked at the air. "Fuck dammit."

(Y/N) heard him move closer to her and she tried to get away, only there was nowhere to go. Killmonger seemed to have noticed how terrified she was of him and held back. He clutched his dreads in frustration and cursed again, leaving her to writhe in pain. (Y/N) pressed her hand against the wall, trying pull up her defenses. She couldn't stop... Why couldn't she stop crying?

"You know why didn't break up with Roy?" She said after...after how long she did not know. Having exhausted all her tears she felt lighter now. Erik was by the couch, looking away.

"I couldn't let him go cuz he was the only thing that's constant in my life. Because he let me in. Cuz he treated me more than a pussy to be dicked down. He treated me like a person. And yet I fucked around behind him cuz I thought maybe I could change you to be more like him. I let my emotions get better of me and look where we are. But it doesn't matter no more. Maybe I was just a good fuck to you but you are a part of my life Erik Stevens, one of my limbs. I can't let you do this."

"What do you want?" He sneered, turning towards her once again.

"Lemme help you."

"What do you want?!"

"I want you to give up this stupidity! You said you wanted to help our people but this is not the way Erik. You can't get rid of hatred with hatred."

"And do what?" He growled, eyes blazing like fire in hearth. "Come back to you? What did you think this would lead to (Y/N)? That we'd get married? Have kids? Live happily ever after? You want me to ignore all I've been through cuz you think you got some right over me. I've had enough of people sitting around talking of helping but on one does and you are one of 'em. I'll do anything to make it right for us and imma kill anyone that gets in my way."

"You want to stop suffering yet you'd make innocent people suffer. Don't you see? You might get on top but they'll try to pull you down again. It's an endless cycle!"

"Yeah I plan to break that one. Now get out. Go."

"Erik-"

"I said fucking leave. And loose my number.  I don't wanna see yo face ever again. Go before I change mah mind and throw you out the window."

“Okay.” She sniffled, taking a step back, guarding her chest and the rest of her dignity. With shaky fingers, she reached for her pocket. “You’ll want it back I guess?”

The gold choker landed on the floor with metallic ring. Erik shrugged casually, rubbing his nose.

“It’s just metal.” He spat with utmost distaste.

 


	22. Epilogue

**Present day:**

"I never saw him again. I had been in hospital for a month and then another for rehabilitation. By the time I got back to my job, Killmonger had disappeared from the radar and so had Klaue. I didn't go searching for him. Who would want to find someone who tried to kill you? He made no contact so I assumed he's either dead or achieved whatever he wouldn't tell me. So now you know." (Y/N) finished. "How does it make you feel?"

T'challa uncrossed his ankles. He seemed to have been lost in thought; his hand supporting his head bobbed to side; his other hand on his knee, index finger tapping absentmindedly.

"I do not know." He confessed. It was in a gravelly whisper, rough and honest. (Y/N) caught him looking away, eyes unfixed and lost. It was the same expression she wore when she was informed that their attempt had been futile: Klaue escaped as did Killmonger. She had felt numb at first; an entire moat of hollowness separated her from the world. But soon fear filled in, seeping through the crack in her walls, nagging her with the same question- what have I done? What had she done?

Eventually they stood up to leave. The two guards flanked his sides as the King took his leave. His face was soon reoccupied by his usual unperturbed placidity- a mask that he had been taught to wear early on.

Just near the door, T'challa turned to her. "Forgive me for listening in- the herb amplifies everything and I cannot always block them- but Nubia is your child."

(Y/N)'s eyes flew open hearing the name from the King's lips.

"And N’Jadaka is the father." He concluded.

For some time, it seemed to her that she had lost control of bodily functions- she couldn't breathe or form a coherent sentence, her mind in complete disarray. She didn't have to nod or respond; her eyes gave away the truth she had drawn curtain upon.

"Don't." She pleaded once she found her voice. "Don't tell him."

T'challa nodded gravely. "You may not have a choice in that. Sooner or later, he will find out."

"Oh he will. But know that I'll fight with the last of my breath if he tries to come for my child. I've let him ruin my life once; I'm not making that mistake again. I'll burn down your kingdom if that what it takes to keep Nubia safe from him. Tell him that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N- So that's it folks! I hoped you enjoyed it. My thanks to every one who have read, voted or left comments behind! I'm grateful to each and everyone of you. If it's not too much trouble, please tell me if I've disappointed you or if there's anything you'd have like to see.  
> I've started on the sequel- it will be titled Breaking Dawn. Chapter 1 should be up by the end of the week.  
> Thanks again for everything.
> 
> Love, Madeleine.


End file.
